Time for a massive post about everything, but mostly proofreading stuff!
In general, you seem to have a habit of putting a space between the last word of a sentence and punctuation. I eventually just stopped counting those in my revisions because there were so many. Just please remember that there shouldn't be a space there. For example:
"
Very nice !"
Should just be...
"
Very nice!"
Now for the blow-by-blow...
The Labyrinth:
Description
Original:
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×This is the last part of the Ervylin's Labyrinth. From ages, people were enjoying the greatness, the immensity of this place. Now it's just a ruin, an old part of the brightness of Ervylin. The legend says that the King of plysmondia had put his treasure, made of gold and diamond , in the heart of the labyrinth. But no one never found it ...
We discovered that the labyrinth was built above a lake ! But we don't already know why. Some people says that the treasure has fall on the eternal blue water of the lake. There is not much we can do to preserve the labyrinth. Each year, the lake grow back to it's original size, nibbling more and more of the remaining ruins.
- Anonymous Historian
Suggested revision:
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×This is all that's left of Ervylin's Labyrinth. For ages, people were amazed by the immensity and complexity of this place. Now it's just a ruin, a remnant of the greatness of Ervylin. The legend says that the king of Plysmondia put his treasure, made of gold and diamond, in the heart of the labyrinth, but no one has ever found out.
We discovered that the labyrinth was built above a lake, but we don't know why. Some people say the treasure has fallen into the deepest depths of the lake. There isn't much we can do to preserve the labyrinth. Every year, the lake grows, nibbling more and more of the remaining ruins.
-Anonymous Historian
2N:
If intent of challenge is "
kill exactly one aumtlich, then step on the conquer token, then kill the remaining aumtliches,"
this would do it:
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× Wait for event Monster stabbed
Wait 0
Go to Loop
Label Loop
If ...
Wait for event Monster stabbed
Go to Stop
If End
If ...
Wait for event Token toggled
Wait for clean room
Challenge completed Too many of them
Go to Stop
If End
Wait 0
Label Stop
The current code will award the challenge if the player kills all but one aumtlich, steps on the token, then clears the room, for example.
If that is the intent, I would rephrase the challenge as "
Step on the conquer token with exactly 5 aumtliches still alive."
Rocky Archipelago:
2N1E:
The scroll here makes it sound like the player has to step on the plates at the exact same time as taking the staff, which is decidedly impossible.
Original:
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×Challenge:
Grab the staff and activate the four plates at the same time.
Suggested revision:
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×Challenge: Grab the staff, then activate all four plates at the same time.
Also, to make the coding for this room's challenge more robust, I would suggest Wait for Item Firetrap (active) at each of the four places there are firetraps for the buttons to open instead of waiting for specific entities on the buttons in an expected order. Even though your placement of the player and monsters on the buttons is probably the only one, people have been known to do amazing things in DROD in the past.
2N1W:
Challenge scroll, original:
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×Challenge :
Desactivate the two seeding beacons with one rock giant still alive. (Activating a desactived Beacon will cancel the challenge).
Suggested revision:
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×Challenge: Deactivate the two seeding beacons with one rock giant still alive (activating a deactivated beacon will fail the challenge).
You could make this challenge just "
Have both seeding beacons off with one rock giant still alive."
with the following code:
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× Go to Loop
Label Loop
Set var "_MyScriptF" = 35
If ...
Wait for entity type Rock golem,0,0,37,31
Set var "_MyScriptF" = -9999
If ...
Wait for item Seeding beacon (off),6,16,6,16
If ...
Wait for item Seeding beacon (off),9,18,9,18
Challenge completed (Your challenge name)
If End
If End
Else
Set var "_MyScriptF" = -9999
Go to Stop
If End
Wait 0
Go to Loop
Label Stop
(_MyscriptF = 35 overrides the entity type in "
Wait for entity type"
so that it looks for a Rock Giant, which is what you need to do to be sure that the player hasn't just stabbed both giants and then a few golems. Setting it back to -9999 ensures everything else works correctly by not overriding anything else in the rest of the code.)
Ice and Fire:
The Entrance:
Is the scroll saying that the icy way is easier than the fire way, or just saying the player is allowed to start with the icy way? If it's saying the icy way is easier, it might say something like "
I suggest you start with the icy way."
to make it more clear.
Roaches Of death:
(Title capitalization should probably be "
Roaches of Death"
instead)
Various bits of dialogue that are scripted, in original-then-revision form:
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×From:
May the show begin !
To:
Let the show begin!
From:
86 roaches killed already, don't stop now !
To:
86 roaches killed already, don't stop now!
From:
This is incredible !
To:
This is incredible!
Hungry Adder:
Like the above level...
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×From:
May the show begin !
To:
Let the show begin!
From:
The adder eated $frag_adder$ roaches.
To:
The adder ate $frag_adder$ roaches.
("eated" isn't a word, the past tense of "eat" is "ate".)
Also, a character on the north side has dialogue using the "
$frag$"
variable where it looks like you may have intended it to use $frag_adder$?
Beethro Learns Painting:
The Entrance:
Original dialogue:
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×Welcome Beetrho, ready for your first painting lesson?
That's not really what I was expecting !
Your sword is now a brush, your arm is now a brush.
If you say so. Wouldn't you just open that door?
Be the brush !
Okay ! okay !
Suggested revised dialogue:
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×Welcome, Beethro. Ready for your first painting lesson?
This...is not really what I was expecting.
Your sword is now a brush; your arm is now a brush.
If you say so. Look, can you just open that door?
Be the brush!
Okay, okay!
I did more than just grammar here, trying to make the tone of Beethro's lines sound a little more in-character for him.
1N1W:
Suggested revisions:
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×From:
This guy drives me crazy.
To:
This guy is driving me crazy.
From:
Great work Beetrho !
To:
Great work Beethro!
1N2E:
Suggested revision:
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×From:
And so your brush will become fire...
To:
And so fire will become your brush...
The word order matters here; your version sounds like the brush is being set on fire, while my version says that fire is being used as a brush.
Fegundo Training Aera:
You've misspelled the word "
area"
, it should probably be "
Fegundo Training Area"
.
1N:
It looks like you have some invisible citizens who don't do anything? If they're supposed to be visible remember to tick the "
Visible"
box in the bottom right corner.
1W:
Suggested revisions:
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×From:
Step on the token and prove your ability to manipulate a fegundo if you want the access to the training aera !
To:
Step on the token and prove your ability to manipulate a fegundo if you want access to the training area!
From:
Good job, you know for sure how to manipulate a fegundo.
To:
Good job, you sure know how to manipulate a fegundo.
1N2W:
Suggested dialogue revision:
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×From:
Why are those gates closed ?
You inside, can you open the gates for me ?
Well, looks like I have no choice...
To:
Why are those gates closed?
Hey you in there, can you open these gates for me?
Well, it doesn't look like I have a choice...
Let me know if you have any questions on all this.
____________________________
109th Skywatcher
Here are some links to Things!
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[Last edited by Xindaris at 12-18-2015 04:43 PM]