Here's some analysis of mine on the puzzle rooms and on the English dialogue.
The Gate
========
The Entrance:
-Beethro's second line should probably read "
I need
to go to the Slayers
' city."
-His third line should read similarly to "
I will now start my mission."
Once West:
The sign's first line should probably read "
The Gate of the
Slayers."
Looks like you just misplaced a couple of letters.
Twice North Once West:
The guards should say something about approaching the gate in order to open it. Or perhaps they can activate the orb once their dialog is triggered.
The Gate of The City
====================
Once North - Okay, some action. Decent room, I don't think it will be a problem for anyone.
Twice North - Beethro's second line "
I need an information!"
should probably read "
I need information!"
.
Beethro's third line "
Good man, can you please say me the way for the Slayers Castle?"
should probably be more like "
Good man, can you please tell me the way to the Slayers Castle?"
Thrice North - A checkpoint inside the main puzzle area (with the serpent) would be a good idea.
The City
========
The Entrance - The entrance description should read "
The mission has started. Good luck."
Once North - Maybe add a checkpoint in the middle of the room, just to be safe. Killing golems can be a little tricky sometimes.
Twice North - Ooh, this room's nice, but it's more difficult than the previous rooms. I'd like it if you added a checkpoint to this room, since I've had to restart this room often.
Thrice North - Beethro's first line should probably be more similar to "
Excuse me, but is the Slayer City really that small?"
The citizen's reply should be "
No, the Slayers have destroyed it. I don't know why."
Beethro's next line should read "
Oh... and the monsters?"
The citizen should then say something like "
The slayers are responsible for them too!"
"
But now, you asked me the way to the Slayers' Palace, eh?"
"
The Slayers have blocked the first way to the palace."
"
You can use the secondary passage, but you will need to do a long detour."
Beethro - "
Oh, oh"
- You can leave this be, or you can use
an Eighth profanity.
Beethro - "
Anyway, open the door."
"
There you go. Goodbye, citizen."
And the citizen should not disappear suddenly - perhaps she could walk down a passage or disappear into a tunnel, or do something that ensures that Beethro can't follow her anymore.
Also, since the script ends, you need to stop the player from backtracking to Twice North or he won't be able to get through the door ever again, and will need to restore to when the citizen was there.
The City Puzzles
================
The Entrance:
-The description should read "
The slayers have installed some puzzles in order to stop delvers. Good luck, keep working!"
Once North:
Good room, not too hard but not too easy. A checkpoint somewhere in the room would be nice.
Once North Once West - We've seen part one of this puzzle before (striking the orb) but getting the mimics into the upper section was pretty tricky. Nice work.
Once West - Here's where I'm stopping for now. I think I know what the lynchpin is but I'm having trouble executing it.
Anyway, this is a pretty good hold. It's rather linear right now, so I'd like some choice of puzzles (like in level 4 of your 25 Levels Hold).
The story is rather interesting and I admit I'd like to see what happens next after I get through these puzzle rooms. A good start, and I think cleaning up the English, adding some checkpoints, and including voice acting will make this an excellent hold.
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[Last edited by Chaco at 11-14-2007 11:13 PM]
HOLDS: (GOOD AND NOT FINSHED) Map to Dugandy Prison.
so -