Dear DRODders,
I'm not sure if you remember me or not, but just in case you don't, I'm Wesley (agaricus5), former Archiver and regular, and I disappeared from the DROD community nearly half a year ago in February, leaving (or rather
dropping ) quite a number of high level responsibilities in doing so. Because of this, I'd just like to apologise to you all for that, and also for any inconveniences that it caused.
However, I have an explanation. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
Ahem.
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×I've
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×Sorry about that; I couldn't resist the joke. I'll try again. Ahem.
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×It all started back in February, on a cool, dank day in
the basement (like the British weather, this is the usual weather down here). I had to update something in the records, so I needed to travel to the Archives to get the necessary documents. Unfortunately, many goblins had been at work in sector 3A-17B6, which was one of the areas I needed to pass through to get to the Archives, and they had recently constructed a labyrinth of new passages which rendered my maps of the area unusable. I had a compass, however, and knowing the general direction of the Archives, arrogantly tried to
continue onwards regardless. Of course, what I neglected to remember was that many of the rocks used by the goblins were magnetic (goblins find that they sometimes stick together better than normal rock), and also that the compass only works in two dimensions. Inevitably, I got lost (Erik should have a 3-D GPS system down here!) and not having a choice but to keep moving forward, began to descend. Fortunately, goblins always attract roaches, and I was able to slay them (I remembered to bring my Very Big Sword™) and so survive by eating them. Bioluminescent lichens on many of the tunnel walls were also edible, and incredibly useful for turning my mouth into a lantern (although eating too many caused the rest of me to glow too).
After a long period of wandering in the tunnels, I stumbled into a cavern in which several goblins were waiting. I was at the time glowing green, and so, the goblins mistook me for one of them.
"Ahhh.... What you doing there? Goblin king order all into castle yesterday," one of them hissed.
"I got lost," I replied.
The goblins were, however, suspicious about why I could glow green without eating any lichen (goblins are highly lichen intolerant) and inspected me more closely. They soon discovered that I wasn’t a goblin, and found my sword before I could use it.
"You not goblin," the leader shouted. "Throw into pit."
I was then yanked on the ear by one that had crept up behind me, and pushed over from the front. The goblins then began to drag me down a dark passage, and I was thrown into a deep pit at its end. The fall seemed almost endless, but I presently landed in a giant mass of Mud. Mud sides and centres are impenetrable, as you know, so I simply bounced off, but the force of the impact was so great that it squeezed the mud out of the corners, filling the room with mud babies. I landed again, and this time fell in a comer, which broke my fall. The room, which was actually a dining room (the goblins accidentally threw me into the wrong pit), was filled with goblins, all of whom were incredibly surprised. The king, who was also present, recovered from his shock first, and at the sight of the newly created feast in front of him, screamed "Food!" A general scramble followed, with all the goblins but the king managing to grab a mud baby and devour it. My fall had required 29 moves to complete, however, so as I stood up and began to approach him, the mud mother suddenly blinked, and the room was filled instantly with a liquidised goblin-mud paste. It was an excellent emollient, I soon discovered, but the king didn't seem to agree, and in a fit of rage, had me thrown in a locked cell while he considered exactly what to do with me. The king eventually decided to make me clean the dining room completely as my punishment, since none of his goblins wanted to do it, but as it was at least 180 feet in width (i.e. about 36 tiles), this was completely impossible as the mother was in the centre of the room. I complained, arguing that the room was poorly designed since it was impossible and didn't even have a checkpoint, but the king ignored me and stubbornly insisted that I continue, and so, I ended up repeating the same monotonous task over and over for several months. At length, the king grew bored of asking me to do the same thing each day, and also became incredibly impatient that his main dining hall was still unusable. He eventually conceded that the task was impossible, and decided to use it as a larder (the mother, he realised, would replenish what was eaten quite quickly). This put him in an excellent mood, and so he decided to release me, giving me a copy of the new tunnels' architect's plans in order to get rid of me as fast as possible. When I saw the plans, I nearly began to protest; the tunnels were not aesthetically pleasing at all and the room edges were not properly reconciled, but I thought better of it and left immediately. About a day later (the changing weather suggested a day had passed), I had managed to find the main tunnel leading back to my home, and wearily began to walk down it.
Suddenly, the words "2167th place!" appeared on a wall nearby. "What?" I exclaimed. "That's not possible! I can't have been that inefficient!"
Checking my demos, it appeared that I had several hundred demo recordings for "The Dining Halls, Thrice East", most of which were more than 5000 moves long, while the winning demo was only 57. After watching the demo, I soon realised that when I landed for the second time, I should have landed on the mother first before the corner; she would have spawned just as I landed on the second eye, so killing the goblins (who were eating a mud baby dinner), and therefore clearing the room and saving me the later hassle (I would have also clinched 1st place with 56 moves). Now having an awful average rank, I returned home, only to discover that another nasty surprise was waiting for me to return, very patiently. My pet rattlesnake had been locked up in its enclosure for the entire time with only a queen for company. It had survived by eating her spawn, luring the roaches to its mouth with its long tongue. It was understandably upset, however, not only because it was very hungry, but because it had also gotten itself trapped in a dead end and unable to move, facing my computer. I had left
DROD running on the screen, and the demos playing on the title screen all involved killing many serpents, which annoyed it greatly. It had also gotten a little sick of hearing the Architects' Oath so many times, although it was almost deaf be the time I returned. It took a week of treats to calm it down once I released it, but it eventually coiled up and went to sleep, so I could finally go into the enclosure and reconnect my Internet connection.
The End.
<Hisss…>
…
<Crunch!> [Arrgh!]
Of course, I'm only joking. There were no goblins or mud babies involved, although I think I saw a rank point bouncing around somewhere. What really happened was actually a bit more complicated and much less exciting. You see, it was a combination of several things put together that eventually stopped me DRODding, which could be summarised thus:
I disappeared in February shortly before my interview for a university application because I needed to prepare properly for it, so I couldn't really play DROD (or anything else for that matter), for obvious reasons. Unfortunately, shortly after, I was struck by, err...
a kind of personal family problem which sort of made me lose all interest in DROD and forget about it for a while. After a while, I began to consider returning to DROD but the revision and exam season soon started, and DROD was sidelined again since I didn't really have the time or energy for it (I was also told, in a roundabout way, not to either). Once the exams were over, preparations for our holiday to Malaysia in the summer holidays began (we were going not long after we finished school), and so I thought that returning would not be worth it, since I would just disappear again very shortly. So, three weeks passed, and I returned just in time to pick up my A-Level results and discover that I got into Cambridge after all (yay!). The rest of August was then spent partially relaxing and partially getting things ready for Cambridge, usually triggered by receiving mail from Cambridge or UCAS (our University admissions service/organisation), and I have to admit, DROD didn't cross my thoughts at all for that period due to the excitement. As September began, however, I began to
think of DROD again, and soon really missed it and the Forum (I even mused about it for an hour one day). However, I am afflicted by a condition where I refuse (irrationally) to do things I am not sure about, and what I was unsure about in this case was returning. Having left so suddenly, I was mainly worried about what I had missed, and also the things I had neglected to do when I first vanished. The major things I was concerned about were:
1) The massive volume of posts that I would have missed.
2) The possibility that TCB was already released or in testing.
3) The fact that I have missed at least six contests.
4) The possibility of losing my post as an Archiver (which I probably
have
).
5) The amount of archiving to do, assuming I do still retain my post.
6) The fact that Erik and the DROD team might be angry or upset for me disappearing like that.
7) The number of new holds I have missed, and my lack of time to
play them.
8) The possibility that I could have to shelve Golbar's Caves (my
hold in progress) due to lack of construction and interest from testers.
9) The possibility of Rabscuttle or someone else causing my demo score and ranking to become absolutely awful.
10) The possibility of the forum not giving me a friendly reception.
*11) The possibility of losing all my rank points.
(* Not in top 10 list of worries; author cannot guarantee accuracy of statement. Quoting will result in litigation.)
Eventually, though, I finally plucked up the courage to return, convincing myself that at least 6, 8 and 10 couldn't be true, and so sat down to write this message. It took nearly two hours by hand, and correcting it will probably take two more (my tablet PC's handwriting recognition is good, but my handwriting is poor. Also, all my lines have new line characters after them, which is a bit annoying).
So, to conclude, the delays were caused by an unlucky set of coincidences, and a personality that allows me to take advantage of them. However, it’s all over now (mostly), so I expect that this shouldn’t happen again for a long time (except when the summer exams approach, and even then, I can be reminded by Mark (krammer) if we meet).
So, I will post this message, and then leave for now; I just can't face the bar, the maze of new posts, or the fact that my subscription has run out.
[Oh, actually...
…Hmm...
I won a contest and have been in 16, so I
could claim a subscription if Erik will let me].
I'll check back shortly, and see what happens (or not, as the case may be).
Well, perhaps.
And finally, the immortal question that needs to be answered: "
How many forum members does it take to...
...hide muffins calling under water in distress?"
[No, wait. That's not it. Also, it should be noted that the muffins are distressed, not the water. Or actually, is it the opposite?]
...harass monkeys cracking ugly, wet Indian durians? "
[That's definitely wrong, although I suspect the answer is 42, or thereabouts.]
...hop madly, cementing uncoiled weapons into Dugan?"
[Grr.. wrong again! I guess Dugan does deserve it, though.]
...help me catch up what I missed?"
[Ah yes, perfect!]
____________________________
Resident Medic/Mycologist
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