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Executive Operations Summary (Caravel 1.5)

[Editor's Note: We are pleased to present the Executive Operations Summary for the development and subsequent release of Caravel DROD 1.5. With a new team comes new complications, so this summary is no longer accurate. It is presented here because it is remarkably successful in fooling most people into believing that it is current, which leaves us free to distribute our actual plans (including to some of those that were fooled) without being noticed.]

For Internal Distribution Only

I start each day in the Map Room, analyzing the geopolitical DROD situation. As you can see from the map, the current problem is getting Marlok Blaker out from behind the Iron Curtain, so he can safely resume crucial work on MiniDROD. Also, I need to either get some more chess pieces, or use the less dignified RoboRally tokens.

And then there's the question of sending Mike Rimer to Africa, where I feel we are most vulnerable.

I set about making a DROD Organizational Chart eleven weeks ago, and recently completed it. It was no simple task, and I don't recommend that you put together your own org chart without a high level of patience, commitment, and professional guidance.

First, I designed the general theme of the chart, like so:

Feeling encouraged by getting the foundation laid down, I moved on to the upper management positions and my Elite Crimson Guard. I had to cross out Mike Rimer's square and move it underneath me, because it sorta looked like I was reporting to him.

And I remembered that there were a bunch of guys that wrote some code a while back, but haven't done anything recently. I wasn't sure what exactly to call them, or how to work them into the current structure, but not representing them could have dangerous consequences. They are always present like a dormant disease waiting to wreak havoc on the collective immune system of computer puzzle gamers in the world.

Also, there's a crazy slew of people that have worked on testing DROD. I stuck them all underneath Brad, so he can use that on his resume after he gets out of school. Also, I was concerned about the male-centric vibe I was getting from the chart. I asked Brittany about it, since she is a FE-male that I know. It turns out that Brittany is training somebody at her job named Sarah, so I just added Sarah to the chart to give it a more estrogenic feel.

I was going to call it good after that, but then I thought back to my parents and their experiences with Amway. I became inspired by my childhood memories of the Amway magazine that came in the mail each month--I think maybe it was called "Amtrak" or something clever like that. Aside from the advertisements for Zig Ziglar motivational cassettes, it had these directories of people who were Double Direct Diamond Distributors or Mega Moose Grand Poobahs. Their high-glam status was earned by convincing tens, hundreds, and thousands of soapsellers to join up underneath them. These celebrities got their pictures in the Amway magazine and won the hearts and souls of ambitious eleven-year-olds like myself all over the world. Surely the same strategy could work for me. So I added more people to the chart--as many as I could remember or imagine in my brain. I used Matthew Daly twice, because I figured I could slip that by your average Venture Capitalist.

And thusforthly, the DROD organizational chart was completed, though I'm sure maintenance will be an ongoing task, taking up chunky loads of my time. Now finally, you have a small idea of what exactly we are doing here. It's a lot like Fight Club, except nobody gets hurt... yet.