The best/worst joke you ever heard

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mrimer
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

When is a raven like a writing desk?

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11-09-2006 at 01:31 AM

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Schik
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

trick wrote:
Well, I for one have to admit I chuckled at the jokes. Now, I'm pretty sure I'm not a sociopath, and I don't enjoy watching puppies burn*. In fact, I'm very firmly against cruelty to animals of any kind. The joke was funny because, well, it's just an absurd over-the-top way of getting a pointless result, with dire consequences. But then, my sense of humor can be a dark place sometimes.

Yeah, I understand your point of view. I know I'm one of those fringe weirdo vegetarians everyone's parents warned them about. Heck, look at my signature. The funny part is I'd probably be more inclined to laugh if the jokes were about babies or something. Because that would seem more absurd and over-the-top, while this is stuff I've seen happen. If I'd had a baby that someone lit on fire, I'd probably feel different.

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11-09-2006 at 01:49 AM

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Ezlo
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+2)

mrimer wrote:
When is a raven like a writing desk?

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11-09-2006 at 02:40 AM

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Mattcrampy
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

Schik wrote:
* a longer-than-usual period of bedwetting
* cruelty to animals
* pyromania

Isn't video games and Marilyn Manson supposed to be on that list? Because that's what the mass media tell me.

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11-09-2006 at 03:42 AM

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zex20913
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

Yes...and so too belongs "believing everything the mass media tells you".

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11-09-2006 at 04:02 AM

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stigant
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

I grabbed this link off mathpuzzle.com
Math Pickup Lines (some are a little on the racy side)

My personal favorite (though its not a pickup line per se) is
"your mama's so fat she has a proper subgroup isomorphic to herself"

To add a little absurdism to the discussion above, what if kittens/puppies/grandmothers had been replaced with Hittites? Would that have made them tasteful/funny/out of the realm of realism? I don't think it would make them tasteful, but I also don't think it would make them more or less funny (if you found the originals funny, you would still find the Hittite versions funny for the same reasons). However, it would, in a sense remove (a certain amount) of the realism complaint. I guess I just think its silly to try to legislate this sort of thing. It seems like it would be better to provide us with better tools to police our own viewing of content.

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[Last edited by stigant at 11-09-2006 05:01 AM]

11-09-2006 at 04:53 AM

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MartianInvader
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

Well, since people seem intent on posting math jokes...

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

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11-09-2006 at 06:04 AM

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eytanz
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

To get to the same side.

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11-09-2006 at 06:07 AM

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Pinnacle
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

-What's the integral of 1/(cabin) ?
-A log cabin.
-No, silly, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C.

(yeah, I know it's technically a natural log cabin)

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11-09-2006 at 06:41 AM

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NiroZ
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

Pinnacle wrote:
-What's the integral of 1/(cabin) ?
-A log cabin.
-No, silly, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C.

(yeah, I know it's technically a natural log cabin)

Or, as those of use who have observered the Worst Joke part of the title will say, the correct answer is a Cab Inn.

11-09-2006 at 06:47 AM

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zex20913
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

Pinnacle wrote:

(yeah, I know it's technically a natural log cabin)

Actually, this is kinda weird in higher math. It's debatable what you see when you hear "log". A lot of people use "log" to represent "natural log", and it's fairly standard across the board to do so. They basically do this because ln is used so much more often than counting the digits of something (log base 10).

It can be kinda confusing at first, but it's an idea that's out there.

And, OT: Why aren't carrots invited to parties?

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11-09-2006 at 11:55 AM

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Kevin_P86
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

Quite possibly the worst "joke" I've ever heard:

Why are elephants grey?

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What did Jane say when she spotted a herd of elephants?

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11-09-2006 at 07:56 PM

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AlefBet
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for the rest of his life.

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[Last edited by AlefBet at 11-09-2006 10:35 PM]

11-09-2006 at 10:34 PM

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trick
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

Hm, I wonder how people would react to setting furries on fire.

How about some child abuse, btw ? From Big Train, here's teaching a kid how to ride a bike. Great show, that.

~ Gerry

11-09-2006 at 11:14 PM

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Briareos
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

trick wrote:

wallu wrote:
What we learn here. If you burn a cat, you will be modded down. If you burn a man, you will be modded up.
Hm, I wonder how people would react to setting furries on fire.

Burn a catgirl, watch all hell break loose...

Please, think of the ~~catgirls~~rest of humanity.

np: Underworld - The Misterons Mix (RiverRun Project)

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[Last edited by Briareos at 11-09-2006 11:49 PM]

11-09-2006 at 11:49 PM

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Jatopian
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

Briareos wrote:
Please, think of the catgirls

Oh, I do, Briareos, I do.

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11-10-2006 at 12:22 AM

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Mattcrampy
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

I'd like to remind everyone to make sure they spay their catgirls. Remember, catgirls are for life, not just for Otakon.

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11-10-2006 at 02:30 AM

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Briareos
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

Mattcrampy wrote:
I'd like to remind everyone to make sure they spay their catgirls. Remember, catgirls are for life, not just for Otakon.

For those that don't get the reference...

Then again, if you'd try that with Hyper Police's Natsuki it would be you who's set on fire (or at least torched by lightning)...

EDIT: BTW - does this meet the catgirl criteria? O:-

(Consider it a thinly veiled shameless plug for putting my leet GIMP/Inkscape skills to use... :lol

)

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[Last edited by Briareos at 11-10-2006 11:45 PM]

11-10-2006 at 08:46 AM

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Fafnir
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

"Try not to go on fire..." Nice one, trick!

What's big and grey and has integer coefficients?

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And as for the cruelty to animal jokes... I laughed, but I wouldn't have if I knew anyone who would actually do anything like that. I think it's only funny because for most people it's outrageously over the top and so far outside their normal experience as to be totally implausible. In other words, I laughed because I'm an insensitive clod. Sorry!

EDIT: And the "fringe weirdo vegetarians" are the ones who bomb animal testing labs, as far as I'm concerned. Anything below that is perfectly fine.

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11-12-2006 at 11:12 PM

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Dolan42
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

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11-13-2006 at 08:57 AM

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Jason
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

An atheist was boating and all of a sudden, a crazy monster appeared! The monster knocks over the boat and gets ready to eat the man. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place and, as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds.

"I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"Come on God, give me a break!," the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in this crazy monster either!"

Then the Atheist continues, "God, please let this crazy monster become religious."

God replies, "So be it."

The scene starts up, atheist falling.

The crazy monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food you have so graciously provided...."

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11-13-2006 at 11:31 AM

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eytanz
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+2)

So, I'm assuming that the atheist gets to go to heaven, since he not only found God in the end, but even in a life-or-death situation, his first priority is to convert others and spread the faith?

That's a nice story.

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11-13-2006 at 01:30 PM

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Ezlo
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

I'm sorry to say, but eytanz is funnier that you Jason. :lol

11-13-2006 at 02:37 PM

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Pneh
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

This joke is only fun in swedish and if you write it on paper.
English: Now it's cut (instead of "cut", take a scissor and cut in the paper).
Swedish: Nu är det klippt. :lol

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11-13-2006 at 05:21 PM

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Pinnacle
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

There was once a very smart horse. Anything you showed it, he mastered it easily. Until one day someone tried to teach it rectangular coordinates and he just couldn't understand them. Everyone tried to figure out what was wrong and couldn't. Then a new guy looked at the problem and said "Of course he can't do it, you're putting Descartes before the horse!"

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11-14-2006 at 01:42 AM

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Ezlo
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (0)

Here's a good joke I just Stumbled Upon today that I thought was quite good.

*WARNING*
For those who care, the following joke contains these swears/words that some people don't like to see:

The one that begins with "B" and means "female dog"
The one that begins with "A" and means "donkey"
The one that begins with "H" and means "the abode of the dead"
And the one that begins with "P" and means "to urinate"

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05-29-2007 at 03:52 AM

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Tscott
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

What has four legs, is green and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you?

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05-29-2007 at 04:14 AM

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Tscott
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

mrimer wrote:
When is a raven like a writing desk?

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×They can both produce a few notes, though they are very flat.
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×You never confuse which end goes front.

An interesting fact about this riddle. The second answer is supposed to be

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Note the typo- which is not really a typo- but a word spelled backwards. This was "fixed" by the editor and it is the "corrected" version of the answer that usually appears in print now.

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its bearings on Cair Paravel. O my love, O it was a funny little thing to be the ones to've seen.
-Joanna Newsom "Bridges and Balloons"

05-29-2007 at 04:23 AM

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Snacko
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

Why did Ernest Hemmingway's chicken cross the road?

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02-28-2012 at 06:34 AM

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stigant
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Re: The best/worst joke you ever heard (+1)

During English class, an elementary teacher asks one of her students to stand up and make up a sentence using the word "I". So the little girl stands up and starts "I is..." But the teacher cuts her off and says "You mean 'I am...'". The little girl rolls her eyes and says "I am the square root of negative 1."

Ok, let's go from bad to worse:

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

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02-28-2012 at 01:48 PM

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