Mattcrampy
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JESUS SAVES



There's one I know that we'll call a Hittie joke that I really need to say - it ends with a funeral, and I really make it depressing before pulling out the punchline. The other, well, it'd depend on knowing what a Hittie last name is.

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What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?

Malarame
Level: Master Delver
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This was my favorite joke when I was about 4 or 5 years old:

Knock knock.
Who's there?
An interupting cow.
An interupting c-
MOOOOO!!!! Knock knock!
Who's there?
An interupting pig.
An interupting p-
OINK!!!!! Knock knock!
Who's there?
An interupting cow-pig.
An interupting c-
MOINK!!!!!


____________________________
Matt O'Leary
Webb Institute
Class of 2007

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
-Groucho Marx

DeamonMonkey
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My favorite Knock-knock joke.

"I've got a knock-knock joke but you've got to start it"

"Okay, Knock-Knock."

"Whose there"

"... huh?"

Love it everytime.

Pinnacle
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*Bump*

Two strings walk into a bar.

One goes to the bartender..

"I'd like a vodka and coke pleaseØõ»üËŸÒÅqìÁH‡� ë¤"

The second one says, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he isn't null terminated."

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Once (adv.): Enough.
Twice (adv.): Once too often.
~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

b0rsuk
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I actually like this one. It's from Uncyclopedia.

The Zen Master's lunch (koan)
A Zen Master walked up to a hot dog stand and said, "Make me one with everything." The vendor complied and the Zen Master was pleased.

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http://www.gamasutra.com/features/20051128/adams_01.shtml

Bombadil
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This one...

coppro
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Cheese is rice.

Oh, and here's another one. Mike Rimer.

Mattcrampy
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I don't think Mike Rimer is a joke at all.

____________________________
What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?

mrimer
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I see someone thinks they're pretty clever.

So...am I the best joke or the worst joke?

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Gandalf? Yes... That's what they used to call me.
Gandalf the Grey. That was my name.
I am Gandalf the White.
And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide.

stigant
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I would say you're probably a funny ha-ha joke crossed with a had-to-be-there shaggy-dog type joke.

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Progress Quest Progress

AtkinsSJ
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I really don't want to type it out, but The Black Knight with Silver Wellies is great.

Tscott
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Try this:
Joke Teller: "Ask me if I'm a truck."
Victim: "Ok. Are you a truck?"
Joke Teller: "er, nooooooooo..." and give them a weird look like you can't believe they asked you that.


-
A snail walks into a police station and says "I just got mugged by two slugs." The police man says, "Ok, can you describe the slugs that attacked you?" and the snail says "I don't know. It all happened so fast."

-
What did the snail say as it rode on the back of the turtle?


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And I can recall our caravel: a little wicker beetle shell with four fine maste and lateen sails,
its bearings on Cair Paravel. O my love, O it was a funny little thing to be the ones to've seen.
-Joanna Newsom "Bridges and Balloons"

agaricus5
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gamer_extreme_101 wrote:
Tell this one to someone you know - the whole joke should actually be told be speech.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Click here to view the secret text

×Fsh.

You get it now, don't you?

Sorry to necro this thread, but this reminds me of a really bad one my maths teacher told me:

What do you call a fish with four eyes?



Why?



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Resident Medic/Mycologist

Pinnacle
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Three statisticians were out hunting when they came upon a deer by a river.

The first statistician fired his rifle, and the shot went three feet to the left. The second statistician fired, and the shot went 3 feet to the right.

The third stood and exclaimed "By George, we shot him!"

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Once (adv.): Enough.
Twice (adv.): Once too often.
~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Kevin_P86
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So these two TV antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't very good, but the reception was excellent.

------------------------

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender: "I'll have a drink for me, and one for the road."

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+++++[>+++++<-]>[>+++>++++>+++++<<<-]>.>+.>-------.<++++.+++++.

NiroZ
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I can't believe that no-one has stated the fact that there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't

and that 72% of statistics are wrong.

----

A hobo came up to the front door of the neat looking farmhouse and knocked gently on the door. When the owner answered, the hobo asked, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
The owner said, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I never give anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."
So the hobo went around back and a little later he again knocked on the door. The owner said, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
The hobo said, "Thank you very much, sir. But there is something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche, it's a BMW.

---

[Last edited by NiroZ at 10-29-2006 05:43 AM]

Kevin_P86
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So this skeleton walks into a bar. He says to the bartender: "Give me a beer. And a mop."

____________________________
+++++[>+++++<-]>[>+++>++++>+++++<<<-]>.>+.>-------.<++++.+++++.

Krissan
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In USA, you can always find a party.
In Soviet, Russia, the party can always find you.

---

e and e^x were taking a walk when they suddenly saw a differential operator. e got terrible scared and said to his friend: "Oh no! If he sees me, I'll turn into zero and disappear!" e^x calmed his friend and told him: "He can try to differentiate me all he wants, I'll still be the same. I'll go up and talk to him". Said and done, e^x walked over to the differential operator and said: "Hi, my name's e^x, who are you?". The differential operator replied: "My name's d/dy"





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Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemingway

Pilchard VIII
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Kevin_P86 wrote:
So this skeleton walks into a bar. He says to the bartender: "Give me a beer. And a mop."

That's odd. I thought when a skeleton walks into a bar, he says 'Ouch.'

EDIT : Here's my best joke EVER!
Warning! Secreted due to the use of the s word, even though it isn't written down.

____________________________
The DROD Dragon

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[Last edited by Pilchard VIII at 10-31-2006 04:20 PM]

Jatopian
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Pilchard VIII wrote:

Kevin_P86 wrote:
So this skeleton walks into a bar. He says to the bartender: "Give me a beer. And a mop."

That's odd. I thought when a skeleton walks into a bar, he says 'Ouch.'

To be perfectly accurate, he says nothing, lacking tongue, brain, life, etc., and for the same reasons he can't walk into the bar at all.
Moral: Illogic is part of humor; don't spoil it with technicalities.

____________________________
DROD has some really great music.
Make your pressure plates 3.0 style!
DROD architecture idea generator

TripleM
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Jatopian wrote:

Pilchard VIII wrote:

Kevin_P86 wrote:
So this skeleton walks into a bar. He says to the bartender: "Give me a beer. And a mop."

That's odd. I thought when a skeleton walks into a bar, he says 'Ouch.'

To be perfectly accurate, he says nothing, lacking tongue, brain, life, etc., and for the same reasons he can't walk into the bar at all.
Moral: Illogic is part of humor; don't spoil it with technicalities.

I think Pilchard was giving another famous joke, not spoiling that one

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[Last edited by TripleM at 10-31-2006 11:43 PM]

Mattcrampy
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Someone in this thread has a busted sense of humour. Try and work out which one!

____________________________
What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?

mrimer
Level: Legendary Smitemaster

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Ooh, ooh! Me, me!

____________________________
Gandalf? Yes... That's what they used to call me.
Gandalf the Grey. That was my name.
I am Gandalf the White.
And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide.

AlefBet
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Registered: 07-16-2003
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NiroZ wrote:
I can't believe that no-one has stated the fact that there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't

In that vein, why do computer engineers and programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas?

____________________________
I was charged with conspiracy to commit jay-walking, and accessory to changing lanes without signaling after the fact .

++Adam H. Peterson

Dolan42
Level: Master Delver

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?



____________________________
-D
"To understand recursion you must first understand recursion."

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[Last edited by Dolan42 at 11-01-2006 05:15 PM]

agaricus5
Level: Smitemaster
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How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a fly?



____________________________
Resident Medic/Mycologist

TripleM
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This isn't really a joke, but a funny sign I saw on the wall of some (male) public toilets:
'We aim to please. You aim too, please.'

Pilchard VIII
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You've gotta love these...





____________________________
The DROD Dragon

tokyokid
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Ahh... I love dumb blonde jokes:

What did the blonde say to the physicist? "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

or:

What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been sighted.

krepnox
Level: Delver
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My dear, sweet, grey-haired mother was born in Poland and came here to the US as a young woman. She swears that every Polish joke ever told is absolutely true. Still, in the spirit of the thread, I will go in a different direction.

It's a sad day at Notre Dame cathedral in Paris. Quasimodo, the bell ringer, has gone on to his final reward. Aside from dealing with his grief, the monsignor realizes he needs a new bell ringer. So, he places an ad for a bell ringer. Early the next afternoon, there is a knock on the door of his office. He asks who is there and a voice on the other side of the door says, "It's your new bell ringer." The monsignor opens the door and sees, standing in front of him, a man with no arms.
The man sees the monsignor's expression and says, "I know you think this is a joke, but I really am a bell ringer." The monsignor asks how he could possibly be a bell ringer and the man replies, "I ring the bell with my face." At this point, the monsignor is convinced that someone is playing a joke on him, but the man insists that he really can ring bells.
Finally, the man makes the following proposal. "It's almost 3 pm. Let me show you what I can do. If I fail, I will leave and never bother you again. If I succeed, then you have a bell ringer." The monsignor realizes that he has nothing to lose so he agrees. They go up to the bell tower and the man perches very precariously on the parapet of the tower. The monsignor sights the sun over the Parisian rooftops and, when it looks like 3 pm, he gives the man the signal to go.
The man jumps up in the air and, while in mid air, leans forward quickly and smacks the bell with his face. Sure enough it rings. He jumps up a second time and rings the bell the same way. He jumps up a third time and completes the task. The monsignor is thrilled, because he realizes that he just found his new bell ringer.
Unfortunately, upon completing the third jump, the man loses his balance. He falls out of the bell tower into the large crowd of peasants that had gathered below to watch this spectacle. As the peasants gather around the now lifeless body, one peasant from the back yells out, "Does anybody know who this guy is?"
A peasant in the front yells out, (Ready?) "I don't know, but his face rings a bell."

Do you think this would work better with Hittites?

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[Last edited by krepnox at 11-02-2006 11:40 PM]