Well, I got as far as I could, until I hit a non-backtrackable room that blocks further progress.
So far, there are some really nice ideas and good rooms here, but also some major flaws. If you do a good job of listening to feedback and editing the hold in response, this could end up as a really nice beginner hold, which is something we could definitely do with more of.
The text throughout the hold needs editing and improving, but that's something to do at the end when you've finished making the rooms so your editor knows all the text you need. I'd be happy to help you with proofreading, if in return you agree to take feedback on this hold seriously.
With that said, here are my comments on the hold so far.
First Level
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×1S: I know you built this level in AE, but you should either import it into a later version and change the orbs to a table, or just leave them out. It's really confusing for new players if the very first room that teaches them what orbs are has orbs that don't do anything.
The scroll only talks about orbs opening doors, but every orb in the room is a toggle. Make them open-only.
Explain clicking on orbs to see what they do.
1S1W: Copied from KDD Lite. Don't copy other architects' rooms without permission. Also, the force arrow section doesn't explain that you (and monsters) can move at right angles to an arrow.
2S: Now we see that orbs can close as well as open doors. Put a scroll explaining this, and explain that when you click on them, doors to be closed are highlighted red. What's the point of the extra orbs behind the green door? I would take these out.
3S: ...and now it's time to learn that orbs can toggle.
Overall, the level has some neat linchpins about doing the "airlocks" in the right order so as to make it possible to get all the roaches out. However, with so many rooms on the same theme, it got a bit repetitive. I would suggest taking out the eastern three rooms, and maybe thinking about what else you can do with the basic elements of roaches and doors. Holds like Simon's Dungeon are worth looking at to get some ideas (but don't just copy!)
Second Level
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×1S1W: The scroll sugggests this requires backswiping, but it doesn't. Just face diagonally and step onto one of the red doors.
1S2W: Pretty tough for the first room introducing wraithwings! You should at least explain how they move, to help the new player work this out. Also, put a checkpoint in the wraithwing arena.
1S3W: Excellent room! But here you should explain that wraithwings are more aggressive in groups.
1S4W: It's not clear what "look for the spawn countdown on the current game info" means. You should be directing players to look at the threat clock.
1S5W: Shows that queens don't spawn on yellow doors. Considering the style of the hold so far, I would expect a scroll explicitly stating this.
2S6W: Needs major revision. Firstly, I get that you want to show what eyes do and don't see through, but this is just confusing to the player who hasn't encountered mimic / invisibility potions yet. Then, the player has to get a mimic through the winding path to reach the orb, and there is no explanation of what mimics are or how they work. Finally, the "don't let any eyes see you" arena is okay, but it's rather spoiled because there are invisibility potions in the room.
I would strongly urge that you don't introduce so much new stuff all at once. Concentrate on evil eyes, and leave mimics until another level. You could do invisibility in the same level as eyes, considering they have an obvious interaction with each other -- but not in the very first eye room; and when you introduce invisibility, explain it clearly, and make the puzzle actually depend on using invisibility correctly.
2S5W: Scrolls talk about movement order, but the eye / wraithwing puzzle doesn't require understanding this. The rest of the room talks about how to set up movement order in the editor; this is far more information than the player needs to solve the puzzle, so it's likely to be very confusing for new players. The last section says "just press the orb and you can see the difference", but the player is going to be too busy actually killing the roaches to really observe anything.
If you want to introduce movement order at this point (and, fair enough, 2S3W does depend on it) then I would do it much more simply: I'd remove the first roach section, and in the second, have chambers a long way from Beethro, so the player can clearly see that in one case the roaches split apart, in the other they move together. Also, maybe explain about right-clicking to examine movement order? (I know AE doesn't have this, but most players will be playing your hold in TSS.)
2S4W: Good demonstration of vertical preference.
2S3W: Nice room testing the player's understanding of movement order and vertical preference. However, the scroll says that the eyes move before the wraithwing, when it's the wraithwing that moves first, and if the eyes really did move first then it would be impossible!
2S2W: Looks like this is just a red herring. You want the player to think "the arrow will trap the eye, I should push the queen in there", but the solution is the opposite.
2S1W: Pretty good roach maze room.
3S5W: Trivial. It doesn't matter whether the queens go on the arrows or not.
3S6W: Good room, player has to work out that they can block the queen with her spawn.
4S6W: Uh... you copied this from TSS : Older Holding Vats. Please don't.
Third Level
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×1S: Explain that cuts can produce tar babies.
1S1E: This is far too hard for a very first tar mother room. The player has to realise that the second blob will become unreachable, start again and change their strategy so as to get to clear that tar blob first; then completely clear all the first three blobs (to prevent babies spawning) before crossing the force arrows. The second half of the room is easier, but laborious, and you've thrown in a wraithwing manipulation bit that has nothing to do with the tar-clearing lesson.
Tar is a pretty complicated element; in Entry Point we have an entire level that's just inert tar, before introducing mothers in a later level. You don't necessarily have to follow suit, but certainly give the player more time to get used to tar before throwing them in the deep end.
1S2E: Way too complex, and broken. Because of vertical preference, the player can wake the eye and lead it out without having to do anything with the wraithwing. This makes the "don't turn your sword" section pointless, and then the player has to hear that mimic banging orbs for the entire rest of the room. Also, if you follow my suggestion about removing mimics from Level 2, they shouldn't appear here either (unless you insert a mimic level before this level). Finally, there's no checkpoint in the eastern section.
1S3E: ...and now it's serpents already? The explanation of serpent movement is very unclear. Again, this is a complex element, and I'd suggest taking the player through learning about serpents a step at a time, each step having its own room.
1S4E: "Feeble-minded"? It's good that you're thinking about normal solutions and challenges, but don't insult the player.
4E: Seems broken. It doesn't matter if the eye goes on any of the arrows, so the tar and wraithwing didn't serve any purpose.
2S4E: Is this possible? I don't see how you can get a tar baby into the serpent box.
2S3E: I've seen rooms like this before, and hope never to see any again.
2S2E: Okay, nice idea that you can choose any facing direction. But again, the mimic continually banging the orb is really annoying.
2S1E: I killed the last two wraithwings on the green door, not sure if that was intended. It's impossible to backtrack through this room after clearing 2S, so this is where I stopped playing.
Fourth Level
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×Entire rooms and text copied from Advanced Concepts? That will instantly get this hold rejected. Don't steal other people's work.
1S: Put the goblin further away so the player has a chance to read the scrolls in peace.
1S1W: So I went in and killed the queen, then killed the goblin. Which part of this was meant to be a puzzle?
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50th Skywatcher
[Last edited by Nuntar at 08-18-2017 08:01 PM]
