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January 2007 - Goblin Talk!

Can you speak multiple languages? What about Eightian Goblin? That is what NiroZ was asking in the January 2007 contest.
12 people tried to write in the goblin language.

Goldenlion took first place with his entry:

A Goblin Monologue

Will I bezit, or won't I? That's what I wonders,
Izzit goodstuff to bes a goblin that iz hurtsum
When humans and Empires makezit badtimes
Or to givesum those thingz a sharp toothing
That makes them bleedzit. Dying, a long napzit,
No wakes-- and no wakes meanzit there's no
More badtimes, and all the jinks and stinks
That hurtz the goblins. I sezzit, I thinks
This izzum goodsound. Dying, a long napzit,
Napzit, might be dreamzit: thatz the problem,
Might bezum in that long napzit dreaming--
It gives me chills, I sezzit!

From storygoblinz Danzitbroun...

Smartzspeak goblin Langzdon, he findzit one day a dead goblinz! Yes! And Langzdon, he smartzspeak, so he thinksum and he sezzit, "Iz not accident! He leavezit hinting of who doezit kill him." He callsum girl-goblin, sezzit, "We findzes clue! Seezit he write?"

Girl-goblin Sofee, she lookzum at floor by dead goblinz. "Iz letter?"

Langzdon jumpzum up-and-down. "Like from Empire! Iz many letterz in Empire, izzit. Iz one! Letter, it callzit..." And he stopsum and he thinksum and he looksum and he thinksum and he sezzit, "B."

Sofee sezzit to Langzdon, "How come iz B?"

Langzdon thinkzum and he sezzit, "All letterz iz not being same. Dead goblinz, it meansum who killzit him. Must being secretz group oldsum like Empire, and man-buildsum secretz in holdz, I sezzit! Iz big...consumspirzitcy!"

Sofee looksum Langzdon. "Conzitcityspun?"

Langzdon nodzit. "Me hearzit word once. I thinksum it meaning someone didzit. Killingz him, he writezit B. From consum...conzitsum...thingzie."

Oh! Langzdon and Sofee not knowsum or thinksum how iz pale-white like wubba delverz off faraway otherside hold! Delver, he killzit goblinz, but not iz himselfses, no no, he dozzit man tellzit him. Who izzit man? Iz part of secret, and pale-white like wubba delverz not even him knowsum or thinksum. No, delverz now hitsum selfses with own sword, iz for hurtsum selfses. Delverz, pale white like wubba, he thinksum make selfses strong.

Now Langzdon and Sofee lookzit hard at Empire letterz. "B," Landzgon sezzit. He getzit scroll foundzit ground, and makesum "B" on scroll. "Lookzit," he sezzit Sofee, and movesum scroll. "Letterz movesum around. Iz part of secretz." Sofee watchzum smartspeak Langzdon; she never thinksum or knowsum to movezit letterz. "I seezit!" cry Sofee, she sezzit. "First iz B here on scroll, now iz B there on scroll. I getzit secret now!"

"Now we findsum delverz killzit goblinz," Langzdon sezzit. And hezit and shezit, theysum go far deepz into hold to findsum...

Mercifully, the fragment cuts off here.

Deysezz ussum greensums izz stupid, deysezzit! Empire, deysezzit! Dungerzz, deysum too sezzit! Buildzums even sezzit! We workum longzz, getsum no respect. But we knows thingzz dey donts, I sezzit! I sezzit goodsum!

Snakezz go for to toothsum dunger, dunger toothed goodsum. Snakezz go for to toothsum greensums, we kicksum snakezz! We kicksum in da sniffholezz. Snakezz, dey hatezz dat.

We knows more thingums. Needz cross pitz? Needz cross pitz twosums? Ticklezz trappy heresums, poke trappy deresums, trappy not fallsums. Dungerzz goodsum at onesums, badsum at twosums. Greensums smarts, dungerzz dumbz.

Empire, dey learnzit. But we knewsit firstums! Empire, dey copiezz us, I sezzit! But deysum not knows things! Deysum not knows, worldzz shapesum likezz bigsum greensum. Dey thinks it shapesum likezz slicezz, deysezit! But worldzz shapesum likezz usses, we knowzit!

Empire, dey cantsum speakzit. Dey not knowsum, shakesum not shakezitt. Shakezitt not shakezz, shakezz not shakeums. Deythinkzitt all sames. Dey sezz shake.

And talkzz of shakezitt, dat sword shakezitt goodsum, Butcher! We waitz, we talkz, eventually you dropzit, we eatz. But you diez learnzzed, you doez. We teachezz you! Why notzz?