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Roaches in our Midst. (March 2005 Contest)
We interrupt your regular programming to bring you this exclusive report:
Shortly before the release of the much anticipated DROD: Journey to Rooted Hold, several sightings of roaches have been spotted in cities and houses all across the world. We received calls from listeners who have given us exclusive photos of these sightings. We have tried to reach the developers of the game about the idea that there were bugs being leaked from the program, but we received no comment and a couple of hired thugs at our doorstep.
This picture was taken by forum member Rabscuttle, who claims that he found the roach after leaving the kitchen with a Reuben Club.
"I had just got up to change music when this giant bug leapt out at me. I was taken by surprise and acting on pure reflex I threw my mug at it which seemed to scare it off."
After the roach retreated, the home became safe once again, but with a lingering smell in the room, he was forced to eat the Reuben on his patio.
When asked what he had on his sandwich, he declined to comment.
On his way to catch a few Z's and count some lamb chops, vylycyn saw this bugger jump out of his closet.
"At first, I just stood still for a while, wondering how to kill it. Since I'm not allowed to have a sword in my room, I went for the next best thing for stopping it: a camera. The flash blinded it long enough for me to crush it"
With roach guts lying all over his bedroom floor and a smile of victory on his face, he retreted to bed, while keeping a very close watch of all the open crevaces in his room.
"Also, thanks to the roach meat, I didn't have to buy food for a week."
If you would like to help out this poor soul, be sure to send donations of food or money to vylycyn directly. Remember that roach meat does NOT taste like chicken, no matter what anyone says.
After opening up a bag of nutritious M&M's bought from the local vending machine (Which also happens to be the official candy of DROD.net. Coincidence? I surely hope not...), techant was suprised to see a roach escape from it. Not knowing what to do, and lacking a variety of table manners, techant lept onto the table and started licking the roach. To the disgust of the people watching, she managed to lick the hard shell off of the roach, and leave it's innards exposed to die.
And the worst part of it, she said, was that the owner of the vending machine refused to give her another bag free of charge. The court date is set for July 3rd.
These malicious vermin were spotted in rowrow's family playroom, but he soon realized that their intentions were not good. Startled, he knew that he would have to go hand-to-hand combat on them, or he would end up at the Roasted Human Grill somewhere.
"I didn't have my sword so I started to back away and they inched forward. I ran upstairs and they chased after me. I ran to my hole in the wall and cralled through the whole house finally getting to my weapon room and I was going to pick up my sword but they were on either side of me, forcing me to backsipe. Luckily, I killed it"
After destroying the roaches, he was then able to return to the confusion and horror of figuring out how to play the game Risk. He declined to comment on how far he got in the game, but he did mention that he would have prefered to play DROD except for the fact that his parent's grounded him. How sad...
Living in New York usually means having to deal with a fair amount of vermin, but when he discovered that roaches had invaded his apartment, eytanz needed to act fast, and since he spent his last paycheck on a large dosage of Jelly Bellies, he needed to find some other way to handle the situation.
"The first one I saw was, as my post indicated, in my sock drawer. And they are very cunning - it disguised itself so much that it's really difficult to tell it apart from just a few socks."
He managed to head it out of his apartment into the apartment across the hallway with the loud parties that last until 3AM. After hearing a very high-pitched shriek, he retreated to his computer for a large dose of DROD-ing.
"Anyway, once I knew I had camoflagued roaches in the appartment, finding others wasn't a difficult task. As you know, I found the next one in my bean drawer. Why do I have a bean drawer? Well, where else would I keep my beans?"
With the roach isolated, all he had to do was wait for a large supply of rank points to pay the exterminator.
"So, um, yeah. I'm glad I won third place - I used those rank points to pay for the exterminator, and now I hope that I don't have to worry about roaches for a while again."
And Erik thought that rank points were meaningless and worthless... I think we've learned our lesson here, haven't we?
Thanks to various other reports, experts have determined that roaches appear to migratory. This report from Meckmeck GRE tells an interesting tale of how a roach managed to find it's way into his math class.
"We had just boring maths lessons of Mr. Dietz as the door open and a giant roachlike thing entered the room. It seems not to be a animal from earth... not carbon based.. "
While he tried to keep it in his locker for use in multiple other boring classes, it appeared to have...umm... disappeared from there.
And don't even think about checking my locker!
As a budding architect, agaricus5 went with his sister to design LEGO dungeons and buildings. Unfortunatly for him, a curious roach wanted to gain all the attention. Startled, but unphased, he proceed to yell "Die you blood-sucker!" and started throwing an assortment of LEGO horses at them. Hungry, the roach went to then and started to devour them. While it was distracted, he bravely picked it up and threw it out the front door.
Eww....I hope you washed your hands after that!
On a Friday night, ClaytonW dediced that there would be nothing better than to head to the local burger joint to grab a bite to eat. Searching his wallet, he found no money, but immediatly looked to the his piggy bank that was labelled "University money - Deposit only!" and went to grab a hammer. After striking it with a fair amount of force, he was shocked to see what awaited him inside.
"I couldn't believe it, roaches, in my own house, where I eat and sleep! I thought I'd dip into it for a run to Burger King, but this dark, scuzzy critter fell out when I popped it open. It's eyes glistened like freshly minted pennies, and first it tried to attack me, but I think the flash from my camera scared it, so it took off."
With no money in his hands, he instead went downstairs and phoned up his girlfriend who, upon arrival, challenged him to a game of wits and intelligence.
"After finally settling on Scrabble (which is apparently more challenging and far superior to Guess Who? which I suggested), I had to yank it out of the closet and dust it off. While dusting off the board, another little roachie jumped out of the letter bag, and skittered across the board."
Scared, he choked under the fear, until the unexpected happened.
"Luckily, it wasn't a threat, as my dog was able to scarf it up... she didn't even chew! Yuk!"
Needless to say, the dog spent the rest of the night outside.
After a rousing win in Scrabble by use of the word "mellifluous", he went onto his semi-religious perusal of the DROD.net forums.
"That night I thought I'd see what the delightful bunch of DROD-iacs were up to on the forum, but there must've been a bug in my computer, and just my luck, I put my hand right on top of it! I was able to snap a picture of it, just before it dove into the Dell case and proceeded to further screw up Windows."
Of course, after realising that Windows had bigger bugs than him, he then proceeded to surrender himself.
While our team has managed to crack down on this outbreak, your reports of astray bugs would benefit the forum. Feel free to post any findings you see on the forum, where out team will be able to properly identify and track it for further study.
Until next time, this is Patrick Fisher, reminding viewers to walk softly, and always carry a really big sword.
[Editor's Note: This is actually a summary of the March 2005 competition, Roaches In Our Midst. Would have been neater if it was Roaches In The Mist, but beggars can't be choosers. Some neat entries here, and yes, M&Ms are the official candy of the DROD website. In case you were curious, anything written in quotes are the exact words of the picture's authour.]