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What Happened Before KDD? (By Patrick Fisher)

Everyone knows the story behind how King Dugan summoned Beethro to his castle and hired him, but what happened before he left? Find out in this rare, unofficial prequel to the Story of Beethro.

(Scene takes place in Beethro's house. Beethro has just read a letter, groaned, and proceeded to search the house for his sword. After a minute, he looks upset and then proceeds to curse)

Beethro: Halph? Halph? Have you seen my sword anywhere? I'm been summoned to head to King Dugan's castle, and I haven't found it at all!

Halph: In here, Unka Beethro!

(Beethro walks in to find a roach carved on the wall)

Halph: Look here, Unka Beethro! I carved a roach!

Beethro: What are you doing? I've told you a thousand times to never touch my sword. These things aren't cheap, and I'd make you work until you're eighty if it took you that long to pay it back!

Halph: I'm sorry, Unka. I was bored. I promise to never touch your sword again.

Beethro: Darn rights that's the last time you'll touch it! If I see you even near it again, you'll never live to tell the tale!

(Halph starts to sob, and Beethro looks in shock)

Beethro: Stop crying and take it like a Budkin! Do you know when your mother's supposed to come and pick you up?

Halph: Me don't know. Mommy busy.

Beethro: What? Well, you can't stay here. People have been saying that stump thieves have been wandering down these parts, and they can get pretty violent.

Halph: Me go with Unka Beethro!

Beethro: Fat chance! You wouldn't last a minute in a dungeon! Dungeons are dangerous places and aren't meant for helpless creatures to freely wander in.

Halph: (Starts smiling, then says sarcastically) Then how come you always go in dungeons, Unka?!?

Beethro: Why, I ought to teach you a lesson that you'll....

(Just as Beethro was about to finish, his sister Vonnifa walks into the room, looking very upset and disappointed)

Vonnifa: A lesson that he'll what?

(Beethro, at a loss for words, thinks for about half a second)

Beethro: ...that he'll need to become a professional dungeon exterminator!

Vonnifa: I hope not. Dunging is such a ugly and depressing trade.

Beethro: Sometimes, yes. But for...

Vonnifa: What kind of sane person would want to do such an atrocious task?

Beethro: There are actually a lot of well-trained....

Vonnifa: Why, all of those slimy dungers...

Beethro: (Angrily) Hey!

Vonnifa: ...are just as slimy and disgusting as the monsters that they go down with! If dungers weren't...

(Beethro, now well aware of where this is going, stands with his arms crossed while staring at Vonnifa with a very angry and 'not impressed' look. He does this for about a minute while Vonnifa rambles on.)

Vonnifa: ...and they should all be punished for setting such an example. Don't you agree?

Beethro: Hello? Remember my delving career?

Vonnifa: Of course I remember! Every day I wish you had gone into a more respectable trade, such as becoming a boatwright. Now that's a respectable occupation.

Beethro: I'll be sure to remember that the next time you tell me that roaches are in your basement.

Vonnifa: Humph!

Beethro: Listen, are you going to take Halph away or what? I'm due to head to King Dugan's at any minute!

Vonnifa: (Ignoring him) Halph! Did you carve that on Beethro's wall?

Halph: Yes, mommy. I'm sorry...

Vonnifa: It's beautiful! I've never seen such beautiful artwork in my entire life!

Beethro: He carved that on my wall!

Vonnifa: Such beauty, such precision...

Beethro: Using my sword!!

Vonnifa: And the antennae look especially good!

Beethro: Let's see how happy you'd be if he did this to your wall! You would have blown...

Vonnifa: I'd love to stay and chat, but Halph and I have to be leaving now.

Beethro: (Mutters under his breath) About time.

Vonnifa: Will you be joining the family at my house for supper tomorrow?

Beethro: How should I know? It all depends on what this joker Dugan wants.

Vonnifa: Well, there's no reason to be angry about it. Me and Halph have to go now. See you later, Beethro.

Beethro: 'Bout time they left! Now, to go on to see what this King wants of me. I hope food is involved...

(As the lights go down, you see Beethro leaving in the evening light.)