Mattcrampy
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My sources on the Eighth just passed this article along. I thought you guys might find it interesting:

DAA Announces Palace Style Recall

In a surprise move today by the Dungeon Architect's Association, Hermiss Grunnon, a public relations spokesperson for the DAA, announced that the association was recalling the Palace style "effective immediately".

Grunnon stated, "We acknowledge the difficulties that our fellow smitemasters and our customers have had with this dungeon style ever since it was discovered that one of the Eighth vermin had adapted to its particular floor color. With this policy, we hope that we can make the jobs of smitemasters the Eighth over that much easier and ensure that our dungeons remain safe and useable for our customers for generations to come."

The DAA policy will see the phasing out of the Palace style within the next year, to be replaced by a new style, tentatively entitled "Foundation". Foundation will be added to the standard catalogue of styles, but for a small fee the DAA will install Foundation before its official release as a promotional measure. The DAA is also preparing another, as yet unnamed style, which it will use for replacement of Palace when Foundation becomes part of the standard catalogue of styles.

The vermin in question, the spider, is remarkable for its ability to blend into some dungeon surrounds. It has a blue pigmented skin which makes it almost impossible to see on the Palace style's floor, as the style makes heavy use of a tile almost exactly the same colour as the spider.

There have been calls for the style to be replaced for nearly five years, initially from smitemasters, but since the incident as Pickensass where a royal family member was attacked by a spider, public pressure to recall the style has increased.

When questioned why the style took so long to be recalled, the DAA representative said, "The DAA moves as quickly as it can to ensure dungeons are safe for our customers and those enjoying their stay in them. This is a complicated issue, and we wanted to ensure that in replacing the style we would not introduce another issue that would make the new Foundation style just as hated by smitemasters and customers.

"Let me go on to say that the Foundation style represents two years of research in dungeon architecture, and features a sandstone/brick wall combination that will capture moisture and keep the dungeon free of mould. The colour scheme has been especially chosen to ensure that there are no more colour conflicts with vermin, and in addition the style is forward compatible with some of the new dungeon features we'll be unveilling in just a few months."

Take-up of the new style is expected to be slow at first, but should pick up once the new features, hinted at during the press conference, are unveiled.

Comments?

Matt

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eytanz
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Well, my own sources on the Eighth claim that this was not without its ramifications. Indeed, just hours after the DAA made its announcements, already enviornmentalist groups started protesting. Indeed, the following interview with Flundia Broblous, a sophomore at Mellenfral university who has been leading a picket-line against the change, has been getting wide circulation:

"Greetings, ms. Broblous. I understand that you have taken issue with the recent plan to recall the Palace style.

Yes, I surely have. Those fat-cat Architects at the DAA think that just because they build dungeons they can just do what they want there. All they think about is their pockets, and protecting their association from lawsuits. They never consider the true, deeper implications of their actions. They must be stopped!

Deeper implications? Such as?

Why, the huge effect they have on the 'neath's enviornment, of course. I mean, the Palace style has been the natural habitat of spiders for many hundreds of years. Without the camoflague offered by the bright blue floors, the spiders will stick out like, well, something colored bright blue. They would have no protection from their predators, and no ability to surprise and trap their prey. Why, our research indicates that within a few weeks light-blue spiders will be no more. Save the spiders! Save Palace style!

But wait, spiders are a major threat to dungeon exterminators and other dungeon-related occupations. Isn't the extinction of spiders a good thing?

That's just the specieist attitude that the DAA takes! Just because spiders are different from us, it doesn't mean they don't have a right to live! Dungeon exterminators get what they deserve, if you ask me. Horrible murderers, entering dungeons and killing everything within them. You know, once this protest is over, we really should do something about them. End dungeon extermination now!

Oh, and by the way, the dungeons won't actually become safer for exterminators anyway.

Oh?

You see, our studies indicate that once the blue spiders are gone, new, more dangerous species of spiders may very well rise to occupy their niche. Maybe even spiders that don't rely on particular floor colors to hide themselves. This change won't just eliminate one spider species, you see - it will radically alter the 'neath's eco-system. The DAA's insistance on going ahead with its plan without proper consideration to enviornmental effects will surely backfire in their face, but by then it was too late. And of course, public memory being too short they'll just get away with it. Remember the whole issue ten years ago when the DAA introduced serpent-repellant on their arrows, seemingly in the name of safety? Why, there are already reports that new strains of serpents are arising that can cross arrows. When will they ever learn?

Indeed. Well, thank you ms. Broblous.

Thank you. Stop the DAA! Stop the DAA! Save the spiders! Stop the DAA!"

[Edited by eytanz at Local Time:01-26-2005 at 03:39 PM]

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stigant
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Haha! Take that, Nature. That'll teach you to evolve!

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Mattcrampy
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The DAA was quick to respond to allegations about the ecological impact of recalling the Palace style. In a press release today, spokesperson Hermiss Grunnon said, "You can't really call a dungeon an 'environment'. It's built. You can't call something built 'environment' unless you're using that wishy-washy meaning of 'environment' that tries to pass off buldings as trees. Of course, the dungeon environments we construct are perfectly habitable."

When asked about whether the 'spiders' that would be most affected by the change would adapt, the spokesperson replied, "Look, even a trainee smitemaster can kill a roach, and they haven't adapted, so why should spiders? It will simplify the smitemaster's job, and everyone can stop sending us angry letters.

"This 'spiders are people too' talk is just people afraid of change. Spiders are monsters that get in the way of the business of dungeons, that's all. If they didn't come into dungeons in the first place, they'd not be affected at all, and the fact that they happened to be ideally suited for one of our designs is not our fault. They should have anticipated that the design may change if they continued to abuse it in this fashion."

When it was pointed out that spiders are not considered intelligent enough to anticipate, the spokesperson replied, "Nuh-uh!"

After receiving a response in the positive, the spokesperson argued, "Nuh-uh!"

After receiving another response in the positive the spokesperson responed in the negative, and then declared he was going home, after referring to noted environmentalist Flundia Brobulous as "a sissy-girl".

Sounds like things are heating up!

Matt

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eytanz
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This just in: The Ephlenan news agency sent an agent down into level 10 of King Dugan's Dungeon to see what the spiders' point of view on this issue was. He hasn't been heard from since.

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Oneiromancer
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Very nice work guys. Looking forward to more, assuming we can get a replacement news agent.

Game on,

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stigant
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eytanz wrote:
This just in: The Ephlenan news agency sent an agent down into level 10 of King Dugan's Dungeon to see what the spiders' point of view on this issue was. He hasn't been heard from since.

And now an update to the breaking news story: The representative was found on level 8 after getting stuck in the residual tar. He is shaken, but unharmed (since there were no longer any live monsters in Dugan's dungeon) and recovering with his family at St. Bavato's Hospital. All other efforts to contact the spiders have been met with futility.

[Edited by mrimer at Local Time:01-26-2005 at 05:34 PM]

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agaricus5
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An update:

The news agency has now employed a dungeon exterminator to escort the reporters down to Level 10. Reports indicate that they were at successful at reaching it, but on arrival, there were no spiders to be found anywhere. Scientists have concluded that they were fed up with being harassed about this issue, and so disappeared in order to avoid detection.

News crews are now being equipped with mechanical paint sprayers to help increase the spiders' visibility, although the viability of such a scheme is as yet unconfirmed.

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silver
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(Rooters - South Wickhead)
Protesting the recall, members of the Elderberry Collectors Guild and Coral Agate Marble Quarrier's Union gathered together in a rally, preparing for an even larger march on Greater Dugantown.

"The Palace style keeps us employed. The Paint Mixers Guild only orders elderberries to make one color of paint - the color on the floor of the palace style. This recall will put us all out of a job," said Raph Breebur, head of the ECG.

Members of CAMQU made similar statements about their dependency on DAA purchases of the brown marble.

Raph added that they expect their march on the capitol to include members of the Conical Sculpture Guild.

"The DAA doesn't seem to care about the people who provide their materials. We get payed poorly already and now they want us to out on the streets? It's unconscio... unconscia... uncoun... hard to imagine such callousness."



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Mattcrampy
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The Dungeon Architect's Association has announced further details on the new "Dungeon Select" series of dungeon themes. The "Foundation" theme, reported earlier, is reportedly the first in this series. The Foundation style reportedly has the standard checkerboard floor layout of light and dark grey, but dungeon owners have the option of introducing a brand-new "mosaic" floor, which is not checked at all.

In a press release released today, the Association noted that "for the first time, we are able to offer clients flooring styles that go beyond the limitations of checkerboard - indeed, the other styles in the Dungeon Select(tm) line do not contain checkerboard of any kind! We know, we know, we're rebels over here at the DAA. Regular Jeamus Drebbles, that's us, leather jacket and everything.

"We have been testing these new styles for years, with the assistance of some very close partners of the Association, and we are finally ready to release these styles to the public". Details are scarce on how the mosaic flooring will work, however.

This sudden flurry of activity from the DAA has been met with much opposition. The Eighth Dungeon Chess Organization have been assured by the DAA that the checkerboard style will stay intact in the Foundation style, ensuring the future of the sport; and the DAA are currently in talks with the ECG and the CAMQU to use the resources of the guilds in other styles. The ECG have commented: "We're very happy with the progress of the negotiations, and the DAA are looking to use elderberry dye as part of a new organic flooring for a new style in the Dungeon Select series. In your face, CSG! We've still got a job!"

The Smitemaster's Guild reports that spider sightings have dropped significantly since the DAA recall, to the point where only one smitemaster has seen the monster in the past month.

Matt

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RoboBob3000
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Breaking News!

In response to the latest news about dungeon flooring, Dugan's Royal Association of the Recorders of Unwieldy Anagrams and Forgettable Abbreviations (DURARUNAFA) has officially disbanded.

[Edited by RoboBob3000 at Local Time:02-15-2005 at 05:33 AM]

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RoboBob3000
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That was the single fastest +3 mod I have ever seen.

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stigant
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Dugan's Royal Association of the Recorders of Unwieldy Anagrams and Forgettable Abbreviations (DURARUNAFA)

Not to be confused with the DURARUNAcFA (Dugan's Royal Association of the Recorders of Unwieldy ACRONYMS and Forgettable Abbreviations)

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eytanz
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The Dungeon Architect's Association has announced further
The Smitemaster's Guild reports that spider sightings have dropped significantly since the DAA recall, to the point where only one smitemaster has seen the monster in the past month.

While a leading Eighth new agency interviewed this smitemaster, it subsequently decided not to print the interview as most of it contained a detailed discussion of a thing the smitemaster somehow got lodged in his right ear and his attempts to pull it out. The sole quote of interest to those following the spider story was reported to be:

"Yeah, I saw da [sic] spider. It was as if it weren't [sic] there and then as if it were [sic]. But I tell ya, I didn't have to squint at all. Yup, no squinting involved whatsoever. Which was lucky, because at the time my whole right side of the face were [sic] paralyzed..."

This one's for you, Erik


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RoboBob3000
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stigant wrote:

Not to be confused with the DURARUNAcFA (Dugan's Royal Association of the Recorders of Unwieldy ACRONYMS and Forgettable Abbreviations)

Right. Thank you. That's what I was saying to myself in my head.

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agaricus5
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Important update:

Health and Safety warning to all inhabitants of Ephelna (issued by the Independent Association of Eighther Healthcare Services):

In a recent Infestation Index survey, scientists from the Monster Infestation Research team have recorded a sharp decrease of conventional blue spiders on the surface, coupled with a high increase of very small, blue/gray spiders infesting homes all over Ephelna, especially in swampy and densely forested areas. It is thought that these small spiders, with a slightly venomous bite and the ability to generate nearly five times their own weight in spider-silk every day, are actually mutated baby forms of the normal blue spiders which have lost the ability to grow any larger than the infant stage. They are aggressive in numbers, swarming over potential prey, and can reproduce by themselves, which makes them relatively dangerous to larger animals and people in affected areas. It is believed, although there are not enough statistics on the matter to prove this, that these mutant spiders were successful at out-competing their relatives due to their small size and sheer volumes of swarms, which would account for the recent fall in blue spider populations. The relocation of spiders from affected blue-floor areas has made all normal members of the species as vulnerable as all other non-blue mutants, which may explain how such a normally harmful mutation was able to spread successfully through the spider population. Regional variants of this new species of spider generally vary in colour from blue/gray to gray/purple, although in quickly multiplying populations, the colour can be highly variable.

The spokesman for the team of scientists warns that this warning is as yet a theory, and so hasn't been fully proven. He, however, also advises that a mass extermination programme be organised in the major cities of Ephelna and in densely infested areas. People are advised to avoid travelling to affected areas and to take care to avoid disturbing spider nests. Homes should be cleaned regularly and kept clean to reduce infestation risk, and any spiders spotted in previously un-infested areas should be quickly destroyed to slow the spread of these creatures.

Some people have, however, taken advantage of these strange creatures by collecting and crushing them to make dye. It appears that the spider blood makes a non-soluble stain on certain types of material, and so it is being used as a cost-effective, easily obtainable dye. Some people have noted, though, that the ability of the mutants to have varied colourations is quite disturbing. Some people fear that the mutation stopping the spiders' growth could possibly be reversed, which would generate a new breed of spiders, some of which would then be able to be camouflaged onto other surfaces. This has also caused concern in the Smitemasters' Guilds, although The Dungeon Architects' Association refuses to comment on the issue.

[Edited by agaricus5 at Local Time:02-16-2005 at 11:47 PM]

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Mattcrampy
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Disturbing news from the Eighth:

The Dugandy Herald has learned that the Smitemaster's Guild have issued a high alert to all of its members concerning the new Dungeon Select styles, two days after the DAA's official launch of the new styles. It seems that the replacement of the old Palace style with Foundation, which forced the spiders out of their evolutionary niche, has resulted in a mass evolution of the spiders.

The report details the spider's sudden acquisition of multi-pigmented skin and eyes, which is then simplified for those guild members who can't handle more than four syllables as 'they're invisible all the gobbin' time now - can't even see their eyes'.

Grabbidious Flonghoard, dungeon biology professor at Mellenfral, was at a loss to explain the sudden change in spider biology. "It just doesn't make sense. I don't doubt the Smitemaster's Guild - they're the men on the front, after all, and I know that the Guild only ever bothers to issue written alerts when they're one hundred percent sure of something, which means there has to have been confirmed sightings. But there's no way that spiders could all just naturally decide that now they're going to have camouflage skin. But apart from that, I can answer anything you want. Please? I've always wanted to be in the paper."

Noted environmentalist Flundia Brobulous, sophomore student at Mellenfral University and long-time opponent of the DAA's remodelling scheme, was triumphant in an inteview earlier today. "We warned those fatcats at the DAA months ago that there were going to be adverse affects to getting rid of Palace. Frankly, we thought they'd die out, but this is even better! The spiders can fight back and claim their rightful habitat once more! And there's not a thing those murderers at the Smitemaster's Guild can do about it!"

The Smitemaster's Guild report concludes that the new spiders take some time to adjust their colourings to match the flooring, turning a very visible grey colour while doing so, and that a smitemaster's best defense against them is to attempt to get them to move or turn, which makes the spiders turn visible until they become stationary again.

The DAA was unavailable for comment, and in fact appeared to be closed. Enquiries only yielded that the DAA was planning to move, but for what reason and to where is as yet unclear.

The Dugandy Herald acknowledges the help of the Eighth Investigator newspaper in compiling this article, and would like to register surprise that one of their articles actually turned out to be true.

Matt

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