Announcement: Be excellent to each other.


Caravel Forum : Other Boards : Anything : Math Jokes
Page 1 of 2
2
New Topic New Poll Post Reply
Poster Message
Donny
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 40
Registered: 11-01-2004
IP: Logged
icon Math Jokes (+2)  
I have an old math jokes. I don't know can it makes anyone laugh? But I will post it anyway!

An insane mathematician gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!!!" Everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one lady stays. The guy comes up to her and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!" The lady calmly answers: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x ."

Several scientists were asked to prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime.

Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime. Just to be sure, try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an approximation to a prime, 11 is a prime,...
Programmer (reading the output on the screen): 3 is a prime, 3 is a prime, 3 a is prime, 3 is a prime....
Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,...
Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...
Chemist (or Dan Quayle): What's a prime?
Politician: "Some numbers are prime.. but the goal is to create a kinder, gentler society where all numbers are prime... "
Programmer: "Wait a minute, I think I have an algorithm from Knuth on finding prime numbers... just a little bit longer, I've found the last bug... no, that's not it... ya know, I think there may be a compiler bug here - oh, did you want IEEE-998.0334 rounding or not? - was that in the spec? - hold on, I've almost got it - I was up all night working on this program, ya know... now if management would just get me that new workstation tha just came out, I'd be done by now... etc., etc. ..."

:P

____________________________
"If I were to awaken after having slept for a thousand years, my first question would be: Has the Riemann hypothesis been proven?"

David Hilbert (1862-1943)
11-02-2004 at 11:14 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
Donny
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 40
Registered: 11-01-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+2)  
Almost forgot:

Top ten excuses for not doing homework:

I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
Isaac Newton's birthday.
I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee.
I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.

:P

____________________________
"If I were to awaken after having slept for a thousand years, my first question would be: Has the Riemann hypothesis been proven?"

David Hilbert (1862-1943)
11-02-2004 at 11:17 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
DiMono
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 1160
Registered: 09-13-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?

____________________________
Deploy the... I think it's a yellow button... it's usually flashing... it makes the engines go... WHOOSH!
11-02-2004 at 01:23 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Visit Homepage Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
eytanz
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 2707
Registered: 02-05-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
To get to the same side.

____________________________
I got my avatar back! Yay!
11-02-2004 at 01:46 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
Watcher
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 898
Registered: 02-04-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
An engineer thinks that equations approximate the world.
A physicist thinks that the world approximates equations.
A mathematician doesn't see the connection.

Integral z-squared dz
from one to the cube root of three
times the cosine
of three pi over nine
equals log of the cube root of e.

Theorem: a cat has nine tails.
Proof: No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails.

1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.

____________________________
Today the refrigerator, tomorrow the world!
11-02-2004 at 04:14 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
Mikko
Level: Master Delver
Rank Points: 276
Registered: 02-04-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+2)  
Two people enter an empty room and then three people leave the room.

A biologist thinks: They must have procreated.
A physicist thinks: There must have been an error in the measurement.
A mathematician thinks: If one person now enters the room, then it will be empty again.
11-02-2004 at 08:57 PM
View Profile Send Email to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
masonjason
Level: Smiter
Avatar
Rank Points: 349
Registered: 12-29-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
A physicist, a statistician and a mathematician, while travelling on a train through the Scottish countryside, pass by a rather fine black cow.
The physicist says "I see. Scottish cows are black."
The statistician says "I see. A proportion of Scottish cows are black."
The mathematician says "I see. There is at least one cow in Scotland, at least one side of which is black."

____________________________
Eighty people came to the bazaar.
11-05-2004 at 02:28 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Visit Homepage Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
agaricus5
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 1839
Registered: 02-04-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician were all staying on the same floor in an apartment.

One night, when all three were asleep, someone set fire to the hallway outside their rooms. The engineer, smelling the smoke, immediately woke up and went into the hall to see what it was. He saw the fire, quickly filled a bucket with water, and promptly dumped it on the flames. He then went back to bed.

The hallway was set alight again some time later. This time, the physicist smelt the smoke, and went into the hallway to see what the problem was. He saw the fire, quickly obtained a hose, and doused the flames after calculating the exact angle to squirt the water in order to use as little of it as possible. He then went back to bed too.

Later that night, the hallway was set alight again. The mathematician was the one to smell the smoke this time, and went into the hall to see what it was. He looked at the fire, and then at the fire extinguisher on the wall near his door. "Ha!" he exclaimed. "There is a solution!"

He then went straight back to bed.

____________________________
Resident Medic/Mycologist
11-05-2004 at 02:41 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
Nillo
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 534
Registered: 01-04-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

____________________________
“Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin' off Nantucket Sound from the nor' east and the dogs are howlin' for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the 'Ellie May,' a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin' and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests.”
11-05-2004 at 03:14 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
eytanz
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 2707
Registered: 02-05-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (0)  
quote:
masonjason wrote:
A physicist, a statistician and a mathematician, while travelling on a train through the Scottish countryside, pass by a rather fine black cow.
The physicist says "I see. Scottish cows are black."
The statistician says "I see. A proportion of Scottish cows are black."
The mathematician says "I see. There is at least one cow in Scotland, at least one side of which is black."


That sounds more like a logician than a mathematician to me.

In any case, I think it says something about me that my response to the joke was "hm, yeah, that sounds like a reasonable response to me" (to the mathematician's statement).

____________________________
I got my avatar back! Yay!
11-05-2004 at 04:58 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
RoboBob3000
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 1914
Registered: 10-23-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+5)  
Why do mathematicians often confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Click here to view the secret text


____________________________
http://beepsandbloops.wordpress.com/
11-05-2004 at 06:38 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
NoahT
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 1009
Registered: 06-17-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (0)  
Robo, could you explain the punch line? I'm afraid I don't get it. Neither does my dad.

-Noah

____________________________
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

My stuff:
Click here to view the secret text

11-06-2004 at 05:21 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
Schik
Level: Legendary Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 5095
Registered: 02-04-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (0)  
quote:
NoahT wrote:
Robo, could you explain the punch line? I'm afraid I don't get it. Neither does my dad.
Click here to view the secret text


____________________________
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way it treats its animals.
--Mahatma Gandhi
11-06-2004 at 05:24 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts High Scores Quote Reply
RoboBob3000
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 1914
Registered: 10-23-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (0)  
More specifically:

Click here to view the secret text


____________________________
http://beepsandbloops.wordpress.com/
11-06-2004 at 07:20 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
Donny
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 40
Registered: 11-01-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+2)  
All positive integers are interesting.
Proof:
Assume the contrary. Then there is a lowest non-interesting positive integer. But, hey, that's pretty interesting! A contradiction.

Cat Theorem:
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails.

Salary Theorem
The less you know, the more you make.
Proof:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money
It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money .
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.



____________________________
"If I were to awaken after having slept for a thousand years, my first question would be: Has the Riemann hypothesis been proven?"

David Hilbert (1862-1943)
11-06-2004 at 10:06 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
Donny
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 40
Registered: 11-01-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
Q&A:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the area of a circle?
A: pi R^2?
R: Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q:What is a proof?
A: One-half percent of alcohol.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q:What is a dilemma?
A: A lemma that proves two results.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
A: Mobius Dick.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice.
A: Zorn's Lemon.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's yellow, linear, normed and complete?
A: A Bananach space.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some say the pope is the greatest cardinal.
But others insist this cannot be so, as every pope has a successor.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What does the little mermaid wear?
A: An Algebra


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


____________________________
"If I were to awaken after having slept for a thousand years, my first question would be: Has the Riemann hypothesis been proven?"

David Hilbert (1862-1943)
11-06-2004 at 10:09 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
Rabscuttle
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 1865
Registered: 09-10-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+2)  

Noah's ark finally hits land and Noah frees all the animals, saying "Go forth and multiply." After some time, Noah checks to see how all the animals are doing. All the animals are repopulating nicely, except for a pair of snakes. When Noah asks what the problem is, one of the snakes replies "We're having a few problems. It would help if you cut down some trees for us." He's a bit confused by this request, but does it anyway. More time passes and when Noah checks back there are snakes galore. He asks the snake "Why did you need me to cut down the trees?" and the snake replies "Well, we're adders and we need logs to multiply."
11-06-2004 at 10:16 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
Oneiromancer
Level: Legendary Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 2928
Registered: 03-29-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (0)  
quote:
Donny wrote:
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable!


There can't be many people on this board that are going to get this one. Hey...do you know the joke with the punchline "But I'm a simple Pole in a complex plane!"? Now that's a nerdy joke.

Game on,

____________________________
"He who is certain he knows the ending of things when he is only beginning them is either extremely wise or extremely foolish; no matter which is true, he is certainly an unhappy man, for he has put a knife in the heart of wonder." -- Tad Williams
11-06-2004 at 08:50 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts High Scores This architect's holds Quote Reply
bibelot
Level: Smiter
Rank Points: 322
Registered: 07-11-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
quote:
Oneiromancer wrote:
quote:
Donny wrote:
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable!

There can't be many people on this board that are going to get this one. Hey...do you know the joke with the punchline "But I'm a simple Pole in a complex plane!"? Now that's a nerdy joke.

To the same end:
Why did the mathematician name his dog Cauchy?
Because he left a residue at every pole.
11-06-2004 at 10:06 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
Oneiromancer
Level: Legendary Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 2928
Registered: 03-29-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (0)  
Ah yes...I forgot about that one, bibleot, thanks for reminding me. :P

Game on,

____________________________
"He who is certain he knows the ending of things when he is only beginning them is either extremely wise or extremely foolish; no matter which is true, he is certainly an unhappy man, for he has put a knife in the heart of wonder." -- Tad Williams
11-06-2004 at 10:11 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts High Scores This architect's holds Quote Reply
trick
Level: Legendary Smitemaster
Rank Points: 2578
Registered: 04-12-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+3)  
Saw this one somewhere on the internet some time ago :)

Proof that girls are Evil:

It's pretty common knowledge that girls require time and money:
* Girls = Time * Money

Also, we know that time is money:
* Time = Money.

Since Time = Money, the first equation above is equivalent to:
* Girls = Money^2

However, as we all know, money is the root of all evil:
* Money = sqrt(Evil)

By inserting this into the equation above, we get:
* Girls = sqrt(Evil)^2

Simplifying, we get:
* Girls = Evil

- Gerry
11-07-2004 at 08:41 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts High Scores Quote Reply
Donny
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 40
Registered: 11-01-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+2)  
Sorry if something going too haywire. I'll post a bit easier to understand.

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."
So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!!"
One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician." Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?" The reply: "For three reasons.
(1) he took a long time to answer,
(2) he was absolutely correct, and
(3) his answer was absolutely useless."



____________________________
"If I were to awaken after having slept for a thousand years, my first question would be: Has the Riemann hypothesis been proven?"

David Hilbert (1862-1943)
11-07-2004 at 10:34 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
AlefBet
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 979
Registered: 07-16-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+2)  
quote:
Donny wrote:
Sorry if something going too haywire. I'll post a bit easier to understand.

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."
So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!!"
One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician." Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?" The reply: "For three reasons.
(1) he took a long time to answer,
(2) he was absolutely correct, and
(3) his answer was absolutely useless."


The person in the balloon must be in management.

(1) He doesn't know where he is or where he's going, but he expects the other guy to be able to help.
(2) His situation is the same as it was before, but now it's the other guy's fault.

[Edited by AlefBet at Local Time:11-07-2004 at 10:45 AM]

____________________________
I was charged with conspiracy to commit jay-walking, and accessory to changing lanes without signaling after the fact :blush.

++Adam H. Peterson
11-07-2004 at 10:42 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Visit Homepage Show all user's posts High Scores Quote Reply
Donny
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 40
Registered: 11-01-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+6)  
Some time ago I received a call from a colleague, who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed he should receive a perfect score and would if the system were not set up against the student. The instructor and the student agreed to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected. I went to my colleague's office and read the examination question:
"Show how it is possible to determine the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer."

The student had answered: "Take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower it to the street, and then bring it up, measuring the length of the rope. The length of the rope is the height of the building."

I pointed out that the student really had a strong case for full credit since he had really answered the question completely and correctly. On the other hand, if full credit were given, it could well contribute to a high grade in his physics course. A high grade is supposed to certify competence in physics, but the answer did not confirm this. I suggested that the student have another try at answering the question. I was not surprised that my colleague agreed, but I was surprised when the student did. I gave the student six minutes to answer the question with the warning that the answer should show some knowledge of physics. At the end of five minutes, he had not written anything. I asked if he wished to give up, but he said no. He had many answers to this problem; he was just thinking of the best one. I excused myself for interrupting him and asked him to please go on.

In the next minute, he dashed off his answer which read:

"Take the barometer to the top of the building and lean over the edge of the roof. Drop the barometer, timing its fall with a stopwatch. Then, using the formula S=0.5*a*t^2, calculate the height of the building."

At this point, I asked my colleague if he would give up. He conceded, and gave the student almost full credit. In leaving my colleague's office, I recalled that the student had said that he had other answers to the problem, so I asked him what they were. "Oh, yes," said the student.

"There are many ways of getting the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer. For example, you could take the barometer out on a sunny day and measure the height of the barometer, the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the building, and by the use of simple proportion, determine the height of the building."

"Fine," I said, "and others?"

"Yes," said the student. "There is a very basic measurement method you will like. In this method, you take the barometer and begin to walk up the stairs. As you climb the stairs, you mark off the length of the barometer along the wall. You then count the number of marks, and this will give you the height of the building in barometer units. "A very direct method."

"Of course, if you want a more sophisticated method, you can tie the barometer to the end of a string, swing it as a pendulum, and determine the value of g at the street level and at the top of the building. From the difference between the two values of g, the height of the building, in principle, can be calculated."

"Finally," he concluded, "there are many other ways of solving the problem. Probably the best," he said, "is to take the barometer to the basement and knock on the superintendent's door. When the superintendent answers, you speak to him as follows: 'Mr. Superintendent, here is a fine barometer. If you will tell me the height of the building, I will give you this barometer."

At this point, I asked the student if he really did not know the conventional answer to this question. He admitted that he did, but said that he was fed up with high school and college instructors trying to teach him how to think, to use the "scientific method," and to explore the deep inner logic of the subject in a pedantic way, as is often done in the new mathematics, rather than teaching him the structure of the subject. With this in mind, he decided to revive scholasticism as an academic lark to challenge the Sputnik-panicked classrooms of America.

:?

____________________________
"If I were to awaken after having slept for a thousand years, my first question would be: Has the Riemann hypothesis been proven?"

David Hilbert (1862-1943)
11-07-2004 at 11:57 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
Fafnir
Level: Smiter
Avatar
Rank Points: 314
Registered: 11-05-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
IF

If you can solve a literal equation
And rationalise denominator surds,
Do grouping factors (with a transformation)
And state the factor theorem in words;
If you can plot the graph of any function
And do a long division (with gaps),
Or square binomials without compunction
Or work cube roos with logs without mishaps.
If you possess a sound and clear-cut notion
Of interest sums with P and I unknown;
If you can find the speed of trains in motion,
Given some lengths and "passing-times" alone;
If you can play with R (both big and little)
And feel at home with l (or h) and Pi,
And learn by cancellation how to whittle
Your fractions down till they delight the eye.
If you can recognise the segment angles
Both at the centre and circumference;
If you can spot equivalent triangles
And Friend Pythagoras (his power's immmense);
If you can see that equiangularity
And congruence are two things and not one,
You may pick up a mark or two in charity
And, what is more, you may squeeze through, my son.
[Times Educational Supplement 19th July 1947]

____________________________
Stupidity kills.
Absolute stupidity
Kills absolutely.
11-07-2004 at 01:26 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
Donny
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 40
Registered: 11-01-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."



____________________________
"If I were to awaken after having slept for a thousand years, my first question would be: Has the Riemann hypothesis been proven?"

David Hilbert (1862-1943)
11-08-2004 at 10:47 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
dividendD
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 44
Registered: 12-06-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (0)  
What's a mathematician's favorite food for dessert?

PIE! (as in the number PI.)
11-10-2004 at 10:41 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Show all user's posts Quote Reply
AlefBet
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 979
Registered: 07-16-2003
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+1)  
There are infinitely many types of people in the world: Those who classify everything into one of two groups, those who classify everything into one of three groups, those who classify everything into one of four groups, ... those who classify everything into one of n groups, those who classify everything into one of n+1 groups, ....

____________________________
I was charged with conspiracy to commit jay-walking, and accessory to changing lanes without signaling after the fact :blush.

++Adam H. Peterson
12-07-2004 at 09:40 PM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Visit Homepage Show all user's posts High Scores Quote Reply
YtterbiJum
Level: Goblin
Avatar
Rank Points: 29
Registered: 07-13-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (+2)  
1) Alexander the Great was a great general.
2) Great generals are forewarned.
3) Forewarned is forearmed.
4) Four is an even number.
5) Four is an odd number of arms to have.
6) The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
7) Therefore, Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms.


Charles "Meathead" Shlonk was a university student enrolled in Calculus 1. He made excellent grades and was at the top of his class when finals week approached.
"Class," said the calculus teacher, "to pass the final exam, you have to do one thing. Show me, using only implicit differentiation and Newton's method, that ..." and he proceeded to explain a very complicated problem. Everyone, except Meathead, copied the problem into their notebooks to study later. After class, Meathead hung out with his friends, not studying at all.
When it came time for finals, everyone showed up at class looking nervous. It was a very hard problem indeed, and only Meathead seemed unconcerned. The teacher walked in and handed out the tests. Pencils started scratching away. The clock ticked on. At the end of the two-and-a-half hour exam, everyone handed in their full papers and walked out. Everyone, that is, except Meathead. He turned in a paper with only one sentence written on it.
The time came for the students to get their scores. Everyone, unfortunately, got a 0. Everyone but Meathead. He came away with a 100 out of 100. When asked how he did it, Meathead refused to say anything except that the problem was unsolvable using only implicit differentiation and Newton's method.
On a sheet of paper marked "Final Exam", tucked away in the folder of a student who made full grades, was written a sentence that summed up the universe:

"Pardon my ego, but we need not pi,
For the answer is only the square root of I."

____________________________
YtterbiJum
This molecule of Yb and J is the strangest thing you've ever seen. The individual atoms don't appear to be bonded. Which isn't so strange in and of itself, except that it's also blocking out the sun.
12-08-2004 at 02:21 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Send Email to User Visit Homepage Show all user's posts Quote Reply
Rabscuttle
Level: Smitemaster
Avatar
Rank Points: 1865
Registered: 09-10-2004
IP: Logged
icon Re: Math Jokes (0)  
I don't get that last one.

sqrt(i) = (1+i)/sqrt(2) or (-1-i)/sqrt(2)


12-08-2004 at 09:27 AM
View Profile Send Private Message to User Show all user's posts This architect's holds Quote Reply
Page 1 of 2
2
New Topic New Poll Post Reply
Caravel Forum : Other Boards : Anything : Math Jokes
Surf To:


Forum Rules:
Can I post a new topic? No
Can I reply? No
Can I read? Yes
HTML Enabled? No
UBBC Enabled? Yes
Words Filter Enable? No

Contact Us | CaravelGames.com

Powered by: tForum tForumHacks Edition b0.98.8
Originally created by Toan Huynh (Copyright © 2000)
Enhanced by the tForumHacks team and the Caravel team.