Neather man
Level: Roachling
Rank Points: 6
Registered: 09-23-2012
IP: Logged

File: Judys Mansion.drh (6.1 KB)
Downloaded 58 times.
License: Public Domain

Here is a basic one. The levels are the same structure, but you get choices. At the end you face an Aumtlich.

Gordius
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 95
Registered: 12-16-2008
IP: Logged

In general, this has a few interesting decisions, but there's a lot of empty space that could either be filled or consolidated. The premise of all the levels looking the same tends to make the decision-making less interesting over time. Also, the rewards behind the early skeleton key doors aren't especially useful. If greckles were scarce or reputation useful, it might be worthwhile, but other tools that might be worth keeping from one level to another would be more interesting.

Some specific thoughts:

1:Entrance - The wingwraith presses down his plate after your first move. You could accomplish the same by putting the three plates in the square behind each of the three monsters.

1:2N1E - The VIP card doesn't open the door.

2:2N1E - The lucky greckle doesn't open the door.

12th Archivist
Level: Smitemaster

Rank Points: 789
Registered: 12-07-2008
IP: Logged

On Floors 1 through 4, the card reader eye will fail to execute the script if you step on the scroll without having the required item. This means that if the player reads the scroll without the item and leaves the room, the card reader eye will not open the door when the player returns with the item. To fix this, use the script:

On Floor 4, killing the aumtlich gives an autosave with the title "Pirate defeated!".

Because the player *must* kill an aumtlich to go to the fifth floor, having a second aumtlich as the final boss is anticlimactic and too easy, especially if the player is given a Really Big Sword and an Oremite Shield. My advice would be to change the final boss into something harder.

Overall, this hold is really interesting because it uses the exact same room template multiple times, and only by the changed enemies is it difficult or new. Overall, I quite liked this hold!

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It was going well until it exploded.
~Scott Manley

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Nuntar
Level: Smitemaster

Rank Points: 4764
Registered: 02-20-2007
IP: Logged

Not just the layout, but also the best decisions were nearly identical on every floor. It's certainly much better than many first RPG holds, and you show that you know how to create choices -- you just need to add more of them, and more varied levels.

Why do the first two levels say "by hyperme"?

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50th Skywatcher

Neather man
Level: Roachling
Rank Points: 6
Registered: 09-23-2012
IP: Logged

I used an account the user was giving over, Nuntar. 12th, I will add the script and I will upgrade the final boss.

Neather man
Level: Roachling
Rank Points: 6
Registered: 09-23-2012
IP: Logged

File: Judys Mansion 2.drh (6.2 KB)
Downloaded 54 times.
License: Public Domain

Script added and new boss!

gavgav123
Level: Delver

Rank Points: 34
Registered: 12-12-2009
IP: Logged

Really good hold for such a basic theme! But i do reccomend adding a harder boss. Your given the best items at the end and i think maybe they should be earned somehow