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JtRH : Level 12 : 2 N, 2 E : A Tale of Woe (+5)
A tale of sadness I must share:
It was a cold and dank room, dark at first. The path wound back and forth as if the walls had teeth closing in on me, a then-unknown-to-me foreshadowing. After a bend, the path was straight, northward, just one smelly tar baby in the way. Swipe! But something didn't feel right... I heard the nasal sounds of a man in distress. A glob of tar was blocking his path. I pierced its stretched out skin, only to have it spill out its content of babies. Blindly, I swung, hearing tar bubbles burst left and right. I killed them all, right? No time! I sprinted southward...
I came upon a save point: a sure sign that danger lurked ahead. I heard bubbling noises, the sounds of a thick liquid sliding across the marble floor; a most unmistakable stench attacked my olfactory epithelia.
I crossed the force arrow.
From behind the unscalable walls that encased them, the glowing golden orbs were my only light source as I entered the room. From all angles, I could spot the festering pustules of tar, oozing and slithering—gliding, even—across the smooth tiles, leaving a slimy, slug-like trail behind them.
Quick! I positioned myself against a wall so that they could attack me from only two spots. Left! Right! I swung my sword conservatively; there was no doubt in my mind that where there were 10 tar babies, there were 1000. I needed my energy. ... Temporary freedom. I made a run eastward, quickly slaying any stray babies (and keeping myself in good spirits by recalling a few dead baby jokes). The glow from behind one of the walls greeted me as I rounded a corner. A save point as well! I ducked down and waited as the tar mother birthed a new litter. Again, allowing only two angles of attack, I swung. Left! Right! Left!
I angled my sword southwest and dashed upward! But wait! They're coming from the north as well! Quick, back to the southeast, another two-angle cover! Right! Left! Right! The mother is only halfway through her next series of gestations; there's time. I crept northward, side-stepped westward and drove through the line of tar babies in front of me.
Another glow! This one was unobstructed, illuminating more and more brightly another save point as I dashed towards it, but it also illuminated another batch of tar babies off to my left. I struck the save point, jumped towards the orb, struck it, then turned around, ready to meet the onslaught. Again, left and right and right and left, I swung and slayed the babies. A master baby-slayer was I!
Look! Off to my right! It's one of the gaps whence babies come! Let's go hide there and block the produc... another litter!! Fewer this time, though—fancy footwork and swordwork, and into the gap I go; to rest a bit and wait for the new arrivals.
Only two babies make it to me from the next litter. They were no problem. I rounded the corner and saw a row of tar babies. YAHHH!!! Left! Right! Stab! Slice! Plunge! With my back against the wall, I followed its southwestward bend. Another neuk, I decided, in which to wait the next batch. When they arrived, I killed all in my sight, then made a hysterical dash towards the next orb, now wholly visible and glowing, its protective wall having recessed by my having struck the first orb.
I could have continued southward but I already knew the layout of the northern and eastern corridors; I returned east, slaying the babies that dared to cross my path. Returning to the first orb and striking the save point, I waited in the same spot for the next bundles of joy. They arrived and I lunged southward, slicing and dicing, until I came upon the second save point, this time brightly illuminated by the second recessed wall. I struck the orb and waited patiently by the save point.
As the babies arrived, I slaughtered them, then repeated my steps from before, northward, westward, and striking the save point. Thank goodness for these babies' predictability!
Again in the diagonal neuk, I killed off the first two births, then sprinted towards the orb, struck it and furiously swung my sword from left to right, obliterating the babies headed for me.
Back eastward, cut cut snip, then southward, snip snip cut! Baby tar goop everywhere! I approached the last recessed wall, my nose writhing in agony from the grotesque antiredolence that emanated. I saw a couple of babies just sitting there... More force arrows! Left! Right!
Inward I plunged, cutting apart the beastly mother, mutilating its body and the babies that poured out as a result. On a hunch, I headed northward; inched my way closer... There they were. Those two bulbous, putrid eyes. I raised my sword high above my head and brought it down with all my might! A most unpleasant but gratifying squish greeted my ears as I gouged out Big Momma's eyes, plucking them out, shaking them off my sword and onto the floor, and bringing my sword down upon them repeatedly, chopping them up into an unrecognizable paste, onto which I stomped with my boots afterward for good measure, a grin of pure Jack Torrance slapped across my sweaty face.
I staggered out of the ex-mother's confinement through a crack in the wall, rounded up the remaining babies and quickly did away with them. I went looking for the exit. I came across a green door, but... door? Why was it closed? I killed all those little pustules... didn't I? I started circling the confinement, searching for any remaining baby. Nothing.
And then...
I heard a faint gurgle as I passed the northwest corridor... No... No, it can't be. I had killed them all when I rescued the nasally guy! I killed them all! Quick! We have to find a way to get back to that hallway. I know! Let's run south to where I entered...
Force arrow!! Double back! Gotta keep looking... Ah, a hallway up ahead at the northeast... NO! Another green door! ... This can't be... I'm... I'm trapped!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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