Lucky Luc
Level: Smitemaster
Rank Points: 1215
Registered: 08-19-2012
IP: Logged
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Is The Compliment Sandwich As Moldy As People Say It Is? (+2)
So, I know that I can be overly critical, both of me and of others. In order not to come of as a huge jerk when criticizing things on the internet -- e. g. holds, jam games, etc. -- I've sort of adopted the "compliment sandwich" technique, where I try to sandwich my complaints between stuff I liked about the thing. Yesterday, I did some quick googling and was a bit surprised to find a lot of articles condemning this as a purely manipulative tactic that people could easily see through.
While I do think the authors of these articles raised some good points, it also seemed to me like, at least to a certain degree, they were fighting strawmen. I thought the examples given were just examples of how to serve a compliment sandwich badly (and I have tasted some of those spoiled sandwiches myself in the past), but that this doesn’t necessarily mean the whole technique is bad. So here are some of my thoughts on how to properly prepare one yourself:
There Are Other Meals Than Sandwiches
The articles I’ve read exclusively placed the compliment sandwich in the context of workplace management situations. Which kind of makes sense, but also seems to lead to some pitfalls because people try to apply it to situations where it doesn’t belong. The compliment sandwich is meant as a tool to give constructive criticism. It is not a tool to correct someone’s “misbehaviours”.
Telling someone that they should be more punctual is not constructive criticism to me. Of course, saying “I like your dedication, but stop being late, but you’re a cool person” is dumb. But that’s just not the situation where serving a compliment sandwich should even be considered as the right tool. A situation where it seems much more appropriate might be, for example, if someone wrote a report that they clearly put a lot of effort in, but it has some flaws that you want to point out. And criticizing stuff on the internet seems a lot closer to the second situation.
Make Sure The Bottom Slice Of Bread Is Sturdy Enough To Hold The Stuffing.
This is probably the most important part: Don't make shallow or generic compliments. There’s no question that saying “I liked this game, but here’s a couple of dozen things I disliked about it” is kind of dumb. The compliments’ purpose should never be solely to “soften the blow”. If that’s you’re whole intention, then yeah, serving a compliment sandwich sucks. If you don’t have anything nice to say about something (and you don't have to do so), it might be better just not to say anything. Maybe that thing is just not for you.
However, if there are things you like about something, tell it to the person who made the thing! Go into details. Say “2N1E is a really clever variation of the classic tar cutting puzzle”. Knowing what things you’re good at is just as valuable for a creator as knowing what things could use some improvements.
Additionally, I find that doing this has the nice side effect of forcing me to actually think about the good aspects of something. People tend to remember negative experiences more than positive ones [citation needed], so sometimes you need a little nudge in order to be actually able to name the things you liked.
Don’t Serve Rotten Meat
Just a quick note for the criticism-part of your sandwich: Except for some rare cases, if you criticize anything that can be considered art, there is a highly subjective part to it. Sure, there are also some technical flaws you can point out in an objective manner (e. g. “The lighting on this object doesn’t make sense”), but when it comes down to how you experience something, acknowledge that it is your experience with the thing. I think it’s fine to pretend something is a universal truth when you're praising it, but if there’s something you don’t like about the thing, say “I didn’t like it” instead of “this is bad”.
Use A Different Kind of Bread to Top Off Your Sandwich
Okay, maybe the metaphor slightly breaks down at this point. What I'm trying to say is, don’t just end your criticism saying “Anyway, I liked your thing, good job” or by repeating what you’ve already said before. Instead, I think this is the point where you should maybe slightly deviate from the sandwich recipe and use this “plussing” technique that one article talked about instead. Give some suggestions what the creator could do to improve their creation.
Of course, don’t act like you know everything better than they do. They have almost certainly spent a *lot* more time thinking about the project than you have, so if you say “this would instantly be so much better if you just did this one simple thing”, chances are they considered that option and deliberately decided against it. Instead, once again, I think “I”-messages are the key here: “I would enjoy this room much more if the timer was more lenient.”
Don’t Serve Sandwiches to People Who Aren’t Hungry
Of course, not every interaction has to be a carefully planned-out essay detailing the strengths and weaknesses of a project. If you beta-test a hold and just quickly want to point out that the new version of that one room has a trivial US, molding that response into this lengthy, unwieldy form would just feel artificial and silly.
I’m not saying the compliment sandwich is a catch-all tool that should be employed whenever you give feedback. It has its place and its time. But I think if you interact with someone for the first time and you want to give constructive criticism without demotivating that person, it’s a good way to make sure you don’t come off as overly harsh, while providing some actual feedback and not just drowning them in praise. Especially on the internet, where a lot of the communication levels present when talking in person get lost.
Or Am I Suffering From Food Poisoning?
I’d love to hear your opinions on this. I didn’t just write this lengthy post because I love listening to myself talking, but because I’m genuinely interested if people find this sort of feedback helpful or if my thinking is flawed and it still fells insincere, even when I’m trying to be as genuine as I can. As I said before, I don’t think I’m the best person at social interactions, so any input would be appreciated!
[Last edited by Lucky Luc at 04-06-2021 11:51 AM]
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