I've now finished the (accessible parts) of the hold. I conquered all the secrets and conquered the hold, but according to the restore screen I’ve only explored 90% of A Pumping Station and 40% of Secret System. I’m guessing those are currently inaccessible rooms behind the blue door in PS and the obstacle wall in SS? I’m attaching all my demos since I know it can be helpful to review them. Let me know when you’ve downloaded them and I’ll remove them.
Overall impressions:
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×- Good work. Nice looking. Mostly fun, with some tedious rooms as noted. Not too difficult.
- General observation: for what is supposed to be a prison with guards and gate houses, there seemed to be a distinct lack of them.
- Please check spelling and grammar a bit more carefully. It might be helpful to type your text in a word processing program first, and/or read it over a couple of times after typing it out.
- I've caught some of them, but you might want to double check your scripts to make sure they have "End Script" commands where needed and that speech scripts have periods at the ends of sentences.
- Kudos on the generally excellent distribution of checkpoints. Exceptions noted below.
Level 0
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×1N – Need an “end” on the script.
2W – Should not be marked secret. Nothing here.
3W – Not sure that the water skippers add anything. I did this very inefficiently and thought at first I’d have to redo it as I’d let too many skippers accumulate, but it didn’t make a difference. Is this intended?
- Speech typo: alot --> a lot
Return desc: “Reasons” does not need a capital. Sentence needs a period.
Secret System
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×Description:
- passage way --> passageway
- sinster --> sinister
- exsist --> exist
- fantasty --> fantasy
1N – Dead end? Is there more to come here? Another way to access it?
Level 1
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×2S – I don’t think this room works the way you intended. There’s a whole lotta orbs you don’t need to bother with. See demo.
Scripting note: you need to add an “end” to Beethro’s script, otherwise he repeats the comment each time.
3S, 1W – Very easy for a secret room. Is there supposed to be something behind the green door?
3S, 1E – This is a cool idea. Unfortunately all I have to do is use three mirrors to block the roach’s exit and unbrain it. Then the solution becomes trivial. (See demo.) I think if you extend the pressure plate at 22,14 to cover 21,13 , 21,14 and 21,15 this might solve the problem.
4S – This isn’t terrible, but it got dull quickly. I felt it was too long for such a simple execution. There’s no way to go wrong. In my opinion, it either needs a few “traps” so you have to watch what you’re doing or it needs to be shortened.
Level 2
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×Description: add a comma after “too hard” and a period after “Beethro thought”.
- Typos: subterranean, abundance
- I think it’s Onsuary Floods (citation needed)
1S – Very nice.
2S, 1W – This will be a good room to optimize. But again, will there be a reason for the alcove behind the green gate?
3S – Nifty, but once you work out locations to leave everyone, it’s pretty easy. Except for swinging swords, I just barely moved after setting up my Beethros. Was that intended?
4S – Checkpoint please.
5S – Checkpoint please. Not sure why the orthosquares were there. You can step off the trapdoors straight south.
4S, 1W – Checkpoint please. And I think my solution is unintended. See my demo.
Level A: Pumping Station
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×Description:
- typo: gradens --> gardens
- no comma needed after cavern
- typo: qucikly --> quickly
- Automons? Do you mean automatons?
- typo: perectly --> perfectly
Entrance:
Scroll typos:
- relevant --> relevant
- mechaniods --> mechanoids
1S, 2W and 1S, 3W – Both interesting. The secret version became quite a lot more manageable by trapping the adder right off the top. Is that intended?
1S, 1E – Nice.
1S, 2E – Liked this.
2S, 1E – Neat. Am I supposed to be able to exit with the trimmed raft through that gap in the west wall?
I think I’ve found/solved all rooms--1S from 3W to 2E, 2S & 2S, 1E and the entrance--yet the blue door doesn’t drop. Is there another room here or do I access the rest of the level from somewhere else and return for now using the stairs at the entrance? Even after conquering the entire hold, blue door remains up. Is there a required room behind this door?
Level 3
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×Description: needs a lot of work:
- Period after “Dungeon”.
- “Light” prisoners: I’m guessing you mean minimum security types, as opposed to prisoners that don't weigh much?
- I don’t think you need to capitalize “smitemaster” in this context.
- Typo: insterest -->
interest
- “Downwards stairwell” sounds odd: “stairwell” or “stairs” is fine.
“Containing a few cells for light prisoners, which come with the tourure of unusable orbs, unless rathery oddly, they have a Smitemaster in the family.” Ooh, boy. First off, it either needs to start with “It contains” or you need to drop the “which” and then re-work the rest. Not sure what you mean by “which come with the tourture of unusable orbs…”. Aside from the spelling (tourure, rathery), the clause is confusing and awkward. Figuring out what you want to say, and then breaking it down into smaller sentences, might help.
1S – Liked this.
2S:
Scroll at entrance typos:
- Its -->
It’s
- lastest -->
latest
- While I get the “Eye-Pod” pun, I don’t see the resemblance. Should eye?
3S, 1E – Nice room. Didn’t need all the mirrors in the 2nd and 3rd sections.
- A quicker escape at the end would be nice. Maybe a tunnel exit at 2, 9 accessible from the 2, 13 tunnel?
[Last edited by noma at 06-18-2010 09:34 PM]
The first part of the last sentence is awkward. Maybe just , “Some of the rooms have presumably been built to act as traps for foolish prisoners.”