×
(Updated 5/05/2020)
-Witherwood Castle
-Escort Mission
-Subterra Prime

×
Like Grains In An Hourglass (TSS) NEW!
Homeward Adventure (TSS)
Out the Deep End (GatEB)
Rough Adventure of Budkin (TCB)
The Test of Mind (RPG)
Mysteries of the Deep (TCB)
Smart Brain Sanctum (TCB)
Tardustrial Park (JtRH)
Jeffrey's Hold (JtRH)
An Event #1 (JtRH) (Warning: terrible)

×
Riddles Within the Below (TSS) Progress: Levels 1-17 finished!
Caravel Building RPG (RPG) Progress: Cancelled due to loss of data. RIP...
Jeff_Ray's Hold Yard (TCB) Progress: Frozen for now.
An Event #2 (TSS) (Not quite as terrible) Progress: All levels done, need to wait for feedback and record remaining voice lines.

×Floor 6
Entrance: scroll info - spiders also become visible if Beethro is close enough

1W:
- Scroll at 36,19 - Punctuation and spelling: "There are, as usual, exceptions."
- Scroll at 34,19 - Spelling: should be "tendency"

Floor 7
1W:
- Scroll at 8, 4 capitalize "They can move on walls..."

- Suggestion for the lesson scroll at 8, 5: "Sure you can kill them with your sword, but another aspect of seeps is that... well... they can move on doors too. Hmm... I wonder what'll happen if you open a door that has a seep on it?"

1S, 1W: Punctuation - add a period to the end of the last sentence.
Also, this scroll is a bit misleading. Better: "...making your guy fly away to another tunnel (usually). Click on a tunnel entrance to see where you'll go. Oh, and you can't always go back the way you came."

Floor 8
1N:
- spelling: "Serpents", not "Serpants"
- add period after "enemies" ; capitalize "In fact"

Floor 9
1N:
- "Ah yes, tar." (1st comma deleted; period changed to comma)

1W: 2 typos, 1 comma - Mud is exactly like tar, except it's only vulnerable on its edges.

1S, 1W: you don't say how to kill the awakened tar.

2S, 1W: Move comma from before "but" to after: "...on their own but, when killed, they..." or break into 2 sentences: "Golems aren't too hard on their own. When killed they leave behind..."
Also, maybe describe their movement or ask the player to pay attention to when they start and stop moving.

Floor 10
1S: might be a little tough for newbies without instructions.

2W: punctuation - "This is a guard. He's a tricky one; try to avoid his sword.

3W: maybe add a scroll asking: Before you leave this floor, did you find the secret room?

Overall:I think you could use a room where you describe the movement of goblins and guards and have the player kill one of each with his sword, instead of just a bomb.

Floor 11
1N: I think you could tighten this up. Something along the lines of: "See that pink thing? That's a Brain. Brains are easy to kill, but they enhance the intelligence of other creatures in the room (expect, sadly, you.)" Note: to me brains look red. Maybe it's just my monitor.

2N: maybe add a scroll, "Monsters move differently with a brain in the room."

3N: You really don't see the brained intelligence of the wraithwing if it's boxed in. Put a floor in and let us kill it with our pointy sticks!

5N & 6N: same comment as for 3N

The End
Entrance:
- scroll at 34, 16 is confusing. Go where to start over? Maybe describe how to use the Restore screen to find out where you missed secrets?

- scroll at 20,30 : add a comment about how the master wall below will open once all secrets are conquered.

1N: probably too difficult for a newbie

Floor 1
1 S: might be a bit too difficult for a newbie even after completing the hold

Overall
Very good effort here and definitely worth perfecting. Nice use of humour here and there. My overall suggestion is to adjust some of the rooms to allow a newbie to use what you are teaching him. The rooms where the monsters are killed by bombs are too easy (even for a newbie) and the secret rooms, I feel, might be too difficult for them.

×
Floor 2, 1W : scroll 34,17 - add a period after "It's a roach." Then capitalize "These little..."

Floor 4, 2E : scroll 2,25 - "creatures" instead of "creatues"

Floor 6, Entrance : no apostrophe needed after "guys"

Floor 9, 1N : I like that I now have to remove the tar. Maybe add a note in one of the scrolls that the black door will only drop once all the tar in gone. (It is noted in 2 south, but now that we're clearing tar here, it should be moved.)

Floor 11, 5N : Maybe for clarity add the word north, i.e., "Face forward (north)"

Floor 12, 2N : "the" should be "they" and my invisibility area is just gray; it doesn't flash. Is that a Mac thing?

Floor 12, 3N : again, my decoy area doesn't flash. In fact, it doesn't do anything. Should it?