"
My Karma ran over your dogma."
-- Unknown.
"
A girl phoned me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home"
-- Unknown.
"
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
-- Unknown.
"
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
-- Unknown.
"
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government programme."
-- Unknown.
"
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission."
-- Unknown.
"
It isn't the jeans that make your arse look fat."
-- Unknown.
"
Sport is not a spectator sport"
"
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."
-- Unknown.
"
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."
-- Unknown.
"
I never vote. It only encourages them."
-- Unknown.
"
Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing."
-- Bernard Baruch, 1960
"
Don't think 'cos I understand, I care. Don't think 'cos I'm talking, we're friends"
- Sneaker Pimps
"
On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly comprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
-- Charles Babbage
"
I love "
Little Fluffy Clouds"
- or sheep as they are know in Wales."
-- Unknown.
"
You know how dumb the average person you meet is? Well, half of them are dumber than that."
-- Unknown.
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. -- Unknown.
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. -- Unknown.
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. -- Unknown.
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs. -- Unknown.
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be shitting herself. -- Unknown.
My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child .... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night. -- Unknown.
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks? -- Unknown.
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face. -- Unknown.
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "
What's my favourite flower?"
And you murmur to yourself: "
Shit, I wasn't listening ....Self-raising?"
-- Unknown.
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "
Shout For Help"
. -- Unknown.
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. -- Unknown.
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "
I've already got one!"
-- Unknown.
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. -- Unknown.
I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it. -- Unknown.
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that. -- Unknown.
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "
I'd like a job please"
. The hardware store owner says: "
We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?"
The dog replies: "
What would the circus want with a plumber ?"
. -- Unknown.
"
Life is a trip. Enjoy the journey with terminal e."
-- Sign in Houston Airport's Terminal E.
____________________________
#f3i2g#
Disclaimer: I'm Welsh, left-handed, and stupid.
#f3i2g#
