Samuel
Level: Delver
Rank Points: 69
Registered: 07-08-2007
IP: Logged
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147th Cheesemonger Voting Poll (0)
Noma's:
One quiet morning, 98th Negotiator and 55th Archivist presented themselves at 2nd Archivist’s quarters. The negotiator had news that 55th Archivist felt his superior must be told. A goblin met them at the door and said he would let 2nd Archivist know they were waiting for him. After an hour, a hurried looking 2nd Archivist appeared and scowled as he noticed the two in his waiting room. “1st Archivist is waiting for me. Tell me your news as we walk there.” They stepped out onto the avenue together and began to walk towards the head archivist’s office.
From the other direction, 147th Cheesemonger (or was it 137th?) was happily strolling along the avenue considering his latest batch of cheese and oblivious to his surroundings because he was imagining the promotion he felt he was certain to receive for the smoked Munhieser Blue he had invented. Had the cheesemonger not been so oblivious, he might have noticed noted cheese lover 2nd Archivist walking towards him, with 98th Negotiator and 55th Archivist on either side of him. But luckily for the cheesemonger, 2nd Archivist noticed him, or rather, he noticed the pungent nutty slightly frungy odour wafting off the cheesemonger’s robes.
“You, good sir, must be a cheesemonger,” 2nd Archivist said, stopping in front of 147th Cheesemonger. “Any news in cheese?” 2nd Archivist was a determined collector of fine cheeses and in constant competition with 2nd Negotiator for the latest and greatest.
Startled from his reverie, 147th Cheesemonger looked up and, upon realizing who was addressing him, felt excitement bloom in his chest like a fungus blooming in one of his excellent cheeses. Now’s my chance, he thought. “Why yes, exalted sir, there’s big news in cheese. In fact, in just a few days the aging on one of my latest cheeses will be finished. It’s a completely new cheese I’ve just invented called Munhieser Blue and it will be a sensation!”
“Most excellent. Send a round or two over to my quarters when it’s ready.” Satisfied, 2nd Archivist started off again, in a hurry to meet with 1st Archivist. But 98th Negotiator, realizing the opportunity to impress her cheese-loving superior, and willing to brave 2nd Archivist’s displeasure, turned back to the cheesemonger, intending to request that a round should be sent to 2nd Negotiator as well.
Unfortunately, a series of events had been occurring in the last few minutes that, had the negotiator not turned back at that exact moment, would have had no effect whatsoever on the Empire. But she did turn back, and life in the Empire would never be the same.
Moments after 2nd Archivist had left his quarters, 158th Delivery Man had arrived with a package for the archivist marked “Urgent.” Worried that the archivist would be angry if not informed immediately of its arrival, the goblin hurried out the door, carrying the large package awkwardly in both of his arms and intent upon catching up with his employer before he got too far away.
At the same time, 353rd Tar Technician was in the process of moving, but he was unaware of the group of four citizens discussing cheese just in front of his doorstep. 353rd was a bit of a maverick and, contrary to the rules, kept a tar baby as a pet. The tar baby, excited by the unusual hubbub, was weaving in and out of the legs of the chairs stacked at the door.
Back outside, 158th Delivery Man was getting ready to deliver his next shipment: a new orb for the tenant who would be moving into 353rd Tar Technician's soon to be vacated quarters.
So just as 98th Negotiator was turning back to speak to 147th (or was it 137th?) Cheesemonger, the delivery man was passing just behind her, rolling the orb in front of him. The negotiator, in her hurry to speak to the cheesemonger, failed to see the orb and tripped over it. Falling forward, she reached out and grabbed 55th Archivist’s robe, which promptly ripped at its seams. The startled archivist, attempting to simultaneously catch the negotiator and hold his robes together, was thrown off-balance and fell backward onto 2nd Archivist’s goblin, who had caught up to the group at just that moment. The goblin lost his precarious hold on the over-sized (and poorly sealed) package, and, upon hitting the ground, the box broke apart, releasing the two serpents which had been contained within (a Vat Day gift from 3rd Archivist) which slithered out onto the avenue.
Just then the door in front of the group opened, and 353rd Tar Technician emerged carrying his favourite chair. His tar baby pet, spotting the serpents just outside, rushed forward between the technician’s legs, causing him to stumble and lose his grip on the chair. The chair tumbled down his front stairs, striking 2nd Archivist, who fell backwards and struck his head upon the orb.
There were many consequences to this series of unfortunate events. To begin with, 353rd Tar Technician was reprimanded for keeping a tar baby as a pet and demoted to 354th Tar Technician.
The goblin, worried about being blamed for the accident, ran away and, after many interesting adventures, ended up being crowned the Goblin King.
147th Cheesemonger, who had become distracted by an idea for a new cheese, had missed the entire incident, but did end up being promoted to 146th (or was it 136th?) Cheesemonger later that cycle.
The orb, which was to have been a doorbell, never functioned properly after its encounter with the archivist’s head, and so its owner, after thinking no one ever visited him, became morose and reclusive and would mutter dark hints to passing delvers.
55th Archivist discovered a thrill for exhibitionism and unsuccessfully attempted to start the Empire’s first nudist colony.
2nd Archivist was late to his meeting with 1st Archivist, who immediately demoted him to 3rd Archivist. Prior 3rd Archivist's pleasure caused by his unexpected promotion was somewhat diminished by the feeling that he had wasted a substantial amount of greckles on a present of two serpents for someone who was now his subordinate. As well, 2nd Archivist suffered minor brain damage from the blow to his head; for the rest of his life he was unable to bear the taste of cheese. Tragically, the smell of cheese still made his mouth water.
98th Negotiator was given an unheard of ten place promotion to 88th Negotiator by 2nd Negotiator, who was ecstatic over what he felt was his cheese rival’s deserved comeuppance.
Finally, because of the confusion, 98th Negotiator never related the information she had overhead to anyone, which led to another series of unfortunate, and completely unavoidable, consequences. But that is another story.
Empire officials investigating the incident determined that the ultimate fault lay with the fact that chairs were moveable. It was decided that all chairs in the Empire would be nailed in place so that an accident like that could never again occur.
Samuel's:
147th Cheesemonger was happily strolling through the Empire while eating a tasteful Cheeseburger. Although he was hiding it,
he was irritated and distracted. The night before 98th Negotiator had said that he was "A fracking idiot" for striking an orb, thus letting out of the beastiary two serpents and a tar baby. The thing that irritated him more was that besides 55th
Archivist nobody would support him.
147th Cheesemonger was walking boldly towards the cortyard to reason with 98th Negotiator. When he entered the court yard he saw that 98th Negotiator and 55th Archivist were locked in a fight. Chairs were being thrown around at them. The place was a wreck, and so were their faces. 147th Cheesemonger jumped in the middle and stopped the fight.
He took the two of them under his shoulders and led them away. Suddenly, 98th Negotiator swung out of 147th Cheesemonger's reach and pushed 55th Archivist, causing him to land on a very angry goblin. The goblin called back some
familiar friends, two serpents and a tar baby.
They closed in on 55th Archivist, 147th Cheesemonger and 98th Negotiator. The Negotiator and the Archivist immediatly forgot their battle and concentrated on the monsters in front of them. 147th Cheesemonger drew his Goblin-Biter. 98th Negotiator drew her Serpent Seducer, and 55th Archivist pulled out his Really Big SwordTM.
They all thrust their unique weapons into each of the creatures, and they fell to the floor, slain. So this is the
reason why that little man had to nail every single chair in place.
____________________________
I believe in everything until it's
disproved. So I believe in fairies,
the myths, dragons. It all exists,
even if it's in your mind. Who's to
say that dreams and nightmares
aren't as real as the here and now?
John Lennon
[Last edited by Samuel at 05-06-2009 08:36 AM]
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