DiMono
Level: Smitemaster
Rank Points: 1181
Registered: 09-13-2003
IP: Logged
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Re: Editing drod.net (0)
Another night with nothing to do, another round of DROD.net proofreading. I went over every page except the stories, and here's what I found (even with some new content from budding explorer Dimthro Budkin):
In general: I think the background image for the top frame is one pixel too low.
Upcoming Features:
"The adder will grow in length until they are led into a trap, as exterminators currently do for, at which point they will shrink as usual." How about "The adder will grow in length until it is led in to a trap, as exterminators currently do for regular serpents, at which point it will shrink as expected."
Downloads: "You'll need a DROD Forumaccount" should have a space between Forum and account
Room hints, 23 1 North: "make sure go you first" Nice one.
Roach Queen page: Is it worth mentioning that they can't lay eggs on doors, arrows, or trapdoors?
Wraithwing page: There's a lot of redundant redundancy on this page. Dimthro Budkin has some words of wisdom:
"So Gunthro doesn't have anything to say about Wraithwings. Hah! Who needs him? When Wraithwings are together, they're brave enough to attack you. When they're alone, they're almost as cowardly as a Roach Queen. If you line some of them up, the farthest one will be trying to reach you, preventing the others from escaping, and you can kill them by simply walking forward."
Evil Eyes page: "When the nesting area is found," Could we change this to "When they find one,"? It's less redundant, as nesting areas are mentioned four words earlier too.
"such a way that an explorer entering that area will fall into their line of sight and wake them from sleep." Could we change this to "such a way that any explorer entering will fall in to their line of sight, waking them up."?
Dimthro Budkin has the following words of wisdom on Serpents:
"Don't be scared of large groups of serpents, as you can play them against each other. Serpents can't move through each other."
Living Tar page: "around its perimeter. Corners withstand..." I think that should be "around its perimeter; corners withstand..."
"It is difficult to explain the rules for tar reshaping in words," I think "in words" is unnecessary... what else are you going to explain it in?
"Tar babies will attack on the turn following their formation and in the same manner as dungeon roaches." I think the and should just be a comma
Goblin page: "or you'll soon have to play "find the internal organ"." I think it would be funny if an "again" was tacked on to the end of that. "or you'll soon have to play "find the internal organ" again."
Dimthro Budkin has the following words of wisdom on Goblins:
"Goblins are smart, but they're not smart enough. If youre back is to a wall, you're safe."
"If you leave a goblin no choice, he'll attack, even if it's not in his own best interest."
Brain page: "When an explorer enters the room" I think, in light of new logic between invisibility potions and brains, this should say "If it knows an explorer is in the room"
"to prevent monsters from finding Beethro" monsters should be changed to them, as it's already known we're talking about monsters.
'Neather page: "was never found again" shouldn't that found be a "seen" or a "heard from"?
"he learned all of the secrets" I think the of should be removed.
Dimthro Budkin has the following words of wisdom on the 'Neather:
"Stupid 'Neather... he's not to be trusted. You have to make him think that what's best for you is actually best for him, and he's very selfish. To defeat him, you must be as mean as he is."
News page: there's no background image
Erik's Bio: second last paragraph: "If he did that, he'd probably also need to ask help from his parents" I think that should be "ask for help from his parents"
And that's all I've got.
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Deploy the... I think it's a yellow button... it's usually flashing... it makes the engines go... WHOOSH!
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